Eternal waking

My brain is a jerk.

A few nights ago, while my wife was away, I was stuck at home watching the kids.  I had put them both to bed, and stayed up a bit too late watching science videos on youtube.  I went to bed myself, but I felt guilty. I had yelled at my daughter earlier that day... and I am pretty certain my brain decided to punish me for it.

I dreamed that Addy woke me up because she was afraid there were intruders in the house.  I was simply beyond "tired" and had difficulty getting out of bed at all.  I went to check and could see out the window that there was a dog out there... and a bunch of people doing something to it.  Then I woke up, because Addy was calling for me.  I shrugged it off as a strange dream and crawled out of bed - still lethargic from lack of sleep - to see what was wrong.

Then I woke up.  Addy was in my room saying she had a nightmare.

Then I woke up.  Every time it was another excuse.  Monsters, fire, whatever.  It felt like I was Alex in Neil Gaiman's Sandman comic.  I lost track of how many times I "woke up."  Eventually I started to just shake my head when I woke, as if doing so could throw the dream, and its accompanying lethargy, from my head. And every time it felt REAL.  Perhaps I really was shaking my head in reality but never waking?  Or maybe I was waking, but falling back asleep.  Each time I woke, I was in the same position on my side.

When I woke for the last time, I was lying on my side staring at something that looked unnatural in my bathroom - a tall, pulsating, white, shapeless mass. But I could only hear the echoed memories of Addy; she was nowhere to be seen.  I must have stared at that thing in my bathroom for a full 5 minutes before I realized it was a shower curtain, and it was only my mind that made it look like it was moving.  I had really woken up and instantly ran to check on the sleeping kids... and out the window to make sure no one was there.

I have no concept of what time it was, and I forgot to check.  I don't know how long I slept... or if I really slept at all.  All I do know is that I am still ridiculously tired and my brain is still a grade A jerk.