Spencer's Money-Saving Tips for New Parents

So, you are thinking of having a kid.  In THIS economy!?  Then here are some money-saving tips from a stay-at-home dad that can make having kids affordable no matter your income!


1) When you order things, do it in bulk.  But make it count.  Don't just buy 100 diapers.  Buy 10,000!  This saves money and time.  Plus, if you do it online, you'll be left with boxes that can be used later!

2) Kids grow out of clothes very fast.  So hit those thrift stores, consignment sales, and the trash bins behind department stores!  When your kid outgrows a pair, don't give it away or sell it.  Cut up the ones you don't like into strips and sew them onto the legs and arms of the clothing you do like.  Make those clothes last as long as possible!

3) One of the biggest expenses when it comes to children is diapers.  They also are not very environmentally friendly. It doesn't matter if you go cloth or disposable, either.  On the one hand, cloth diapers cost a lot up front and use a lot of water, while on the other hand, disposable diapers are a constant purchase and ends up rotting in a landfill.  So save both money and the environment by using packaging material from your bulk purchases!  Packing paper surrounded by bubble wrap works wonders!  And if that fails, use puppy pads!  They can be placed anywhere and cost a lot less than diapers.

4) Bubble wrap also doubles as helmets, knee pads, and pillows!

5) Not only do kids outgrow their clothing, but they also outgrow their beds.  Remember those bulk boxes?  cut a few holes in the sides and they can be used as cribs and play pens.

6) Car Seats are expensive.  Duct tape is not.

7) Instead of buying baby gates to keep your little ones out of places they're not allowed to be in, simply erect monstrous totems made of broken toys, homework assignments, vegetables, and your abandoned dreams.  Not only will these effigies keep baby from wandering too far, but it will crush baby's spirit for years to come!

8) Babysitters are entirely unnecessary.  Instead, just give your baby a copy of Monopoly and she'll entertain herself for hours!  If you simply must have someone watch your child, burn one of your totems to summon Babeometh, the dark god of watching.

9) Baby food is expensive.  You can simply put your own meal in the blender to make a baby-safe meal for your little one.  And if you want to save more money, go dumpster diving behind the grocery store.  Baby has to build up his immune system somehow!

10) Coupons!

I hope these money-saving tips serve you well, but the most important one is to use your common sense and don't actually follow any of these tips.
I mean, who has time for cutting coupons?