Don't know what I am doing...

 Let's be honest here, I'm betting about 11 people will read this, and 7 of them will be bots. 

When it comes to crafting an excellent story, I'm your guy. When it comes to getting a following... not so much.

I honestly don't know how to do this. I'm going to try to learn how to market myself, but I have ADHD. From what I can tell, marketing is a LOT of consistent work, which is something I struggle with. Habits are not things I form. So when I'm told I have to post VIDEOS (I'm a writer and have no right being in front of a camera) 4 times a day... My brain shuts down.

Seriously, how can anyone do that? I can't think of that many things to talk about! And if I did, they wouldn't be interesting or apropos. Which I suppose brings me to the real issue.

I am doing this alone.

All those authors on BookTok, they have people. Either someone with knowledge/time is helping them, they have a team, or they have a budget. Or all 3. I don't. The rest are super-type-A people who scare me. Being a "content creator" is not something I've ever desired. If I was asked to choose between producing drivel but getting personal fame or producing good, meaningful work but no one knows I did it, I would choose the second in a heartbeat. I want my WORK to be famous. I don't want to be. Just knowing that people are reading something I wrote fills me with a sense of satisfaction and joy, even if they never know it was me. (That being said, I am not about to promote plagiarism. I'd rather have no name attached than someone else's.)

I looked up the cost of a marketing team and holy crap on a carp, I cannot afford that. We're talking 6 digits.

I have had great help from my brother and sister, and great help from my editor, artist, and publisher. But none of them have the ability to dedicate the kind of time I need to do the things I want to do. It means 1) I end up waiting for someone else while I sit in Limbo or start working on a future project, 2) I end up having to figure out how to do things myself. I am *truly* grateful for the work they've done, don't get me wrong. I couldn't do this without them. But I want to work at a faster pace than I have been. Making a Kickstarter campaign takes a huge amount of time and thought (which makes it so much suckier when it fails due to ad shenanigans and an election). That's time I could spend writing/revising/editing/reading. 

I'm working against the clock, here. I'm 43 now, and I've only got so much time left before my brain decides to self-destruct. If I publish 1 book a year, by the time I am finished with what I am currently working on, I will be 55. And believe me when I say I will never run out of ideas for novels. Good ones. I got started late and I'm scrambling to make up for all that lost time.

If all I do is write, no one will know my books exist to read them. If all I do is promote, I'll have nothing to promote. 

This seems to be a sucky pattern in my life. If I am given a position of authority or power, I end up faltering. As leader of my lodge, I had a ton of great ideas and got to implement none of them because I just couldn't get anyone motivated enough to actually partake. When I was doing my Eagle project, a parent tried to take over for me because the volunteers kept running off to work on my brother's project instead. I had to tell him that it was MY Eagle and I had to be permitted to fail. I recorded a "how-to-play" video for the Board Game Rundown which involved writing a script and working on the camera work and all sorts of things. I never got to see it because it kept getting pushed aside for other videos so the editor never got around to it. I had so many ideas for fun videos but I couldn't get anyone to *do* them with me. I have failed at *so many things* and I don't want this to be just another failure. I can't do it on my own, but I can't rely on others, either.

If I had the equipment and know-how, I'd have a little bit better of a chance. But honestly, what I need is someone who knows what they are doing and can do it in a timely manner. There's a big difference between posting 4 videos a day and posting 4 *good* videos a day. 

Being neurodivergent *really* doesn't help.