Hitting My Stride

 

I'm terrible at making good posts. I don't use pictures because I don't feel I should be bothered. I rarely edit them. And so far, posting has been few and far between as it is.

It's been like that for A LOT of things in my life.

There was a point where my basement was torn up and basically unusable, I'm forced to deal with a child with encopresis (look it up) which included a hospital visit, my father was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, I was spending time going to my sister's house hundreds of miles away to prepare a house for my mother who will be *very* ungrateful for all the work we've done, I was busy with the freemasons, the house was a disaster...   The list of things goes on and on and on. Truly, I could continue for paragraphs about how insane things have been. This is just scratching the surface.

A lot of that was due to COVID. It really messed things up, physically, psychologically, etc.

So I decided enough was enough. I was 40! And I've accomplished none of my goals!

At some point in the last 2 years, I became fed up with incompetence. I decided I would no longer coddle those who did an unsatisfactory job. This, however, included myself! Nay, it was mostly about myself. So I started taking steps to improve my life.

Step 1: Get my ADHD under control. 

I've had it since I was a kid, but I'd never properly educated myself about it. So I did. It was eye-opening to finally connect certain behaviors and understand what was really going on. If you want to know more, check out my article about it on the Game Talk Network. One of the things I learned, though, is that ADHD is highly treatable, and it had been ages since I took medicine for it. So I went to my doctor and we tried out a few until we found a medicine and dose that works for me.

Step 2: Get my depression under control. 

While dealing with ADHD, my doctor realized I was also suffering from depression, and had been for quite a while. This did involve medicine as well, but it also involved finding a therapist. The first one was not a good fit for me. We got into political arguments and she offered no insight or help. The second, though, is a very good fit and I like her a lot. It helps to have her break things down, even just to have someone to talk to about things.

Step 3: Get in shape.

I've always been an active person, but my relationship with gyms has been on again, off again. Part of the problem is that I have NO IDEA what I am doing at the gym. This is where not putting up with incompetence comes into play. I hired a personal trainer. He knows about general fitness, as well as strength-building, stamina, agility... This summer will mark 1 year with a personal trainer. I've gone from doing 0 pull-ups in my entire life to being able to do over 12 in a row. I have gained strength, I look better, and my knees hurt a lot less.  Oh, did I not mention that I have arthritis? Pretty severe arthritis, in fact. I could barely climb stairs. Last week, I used a single leg to slowly sit and stand, 3 times each leg. There are other benefits. Being fit improves your focus, your confidence, your mental acuity, and your immune system. 

Step 4: Stop pretending I am what I'm not.

I'm not a plumber. I've never laid tile. I have no idea how to do electrical. I have no interest in learning these things, either, yet I've been youtubing it for years. No more! I hired someone to take care of my floor. I will hire someone to get rid of our ridiculous amount of dead leaves (we are literally in a forest of massive trees). I may even end up hiring a maid to help keep this house clean. These are things we can afford, and they will free up SO MUCH TIME AND STRESS. Yes, they can get expensive, but it is worth it for me.

Step 5: Get back my time.

One of the biggest problems I've had is not spending my time wisely. I roleplay online, play video games, watch tv and movies... being a gamer/geek takes a lot of time. Well I have almost stopped with video games altogether, TV and movies have been cut down drastically. I spend the time, instead, writing. To me, it is actually more entertaining and fulfilling to be able to work towards my goals and write my own story than watch someone else's story. Facebook and the like can get dangerous, so I must be cognizant of how much time I spend on social media. Online roleplaying has been cut down, but at times I feel guilty for abandoning my online friends. It will likely always be a balancing act there, one I'm bad at.

Step 6: Get my house in order.

This is the one I am currently stuck on. But because of all the other things I've done, it has been easier. I put in a system to help with dishes - and often this means paper plates. I was tired of my dishwasher never getting things cleaned, so I got a new one. We've replaced curtains we've hated since we moved in. We took off the terrible wallpaper in the office and painted it. Things are slowly getting cleaner and the house is gradually becoming "ours". But it is still a work in progress.

Step 7: Return to hobbies and prioritize them.

I am a creative person, not just in writing. I've had goals and hobbies that have fallen by the wayside. So I'm reigniting the passion. I'm trying new ones. I'm drawing, building models, playing guitar... and there are so many that I cannot do them all! So I need to prioritize, give them the time they need and give more time to those which are more important. My therapist says that this is actually quite important for my mental health, and I have to agree. Since I've picked up guitar again, I've been calmer and I get excited at the prospect of getting to play. Instead of watching TV, I'll transcribe a song by ear. I have plans for videoing and voice acting as well. It will mean improving my time management.

Step 8: Reconnect with my wife.

This is another one we are working on. Don't get me wrong - we're not in trouble or anything. We love each other and are loyal and happy. But a couple's therapist can help even strong couples, and we were hoping to get one. Time has been an issue (if you think I'm busy, I've got nothing on my wife!). We've been working to implement regular date nights. The last thing I want is to lose touch and for us to drift apart. Recent events have led me to appreciate her more. I'm hopeful that this all will lead to an even better relationship with her.

Step 9: Act like a professional.

Here's a tough one. I want to be an author with all my heart! But that means I will have to act like one. This means I need to start gaining an audience, to improve my social media presence, to spend real time looking for agents, to plan when to write, when to handle the other half of being an author, and when to handle the rest of life. I will keep doing what I can to work towards being a true professional, keep learning and finding tools to help.

Step 10: Adjust expectations.

No one wants to hear this! We all want to get what we want in all its glory without any compromises. I want to be picked up by an amazing, talented agent who gets my book into big stores and turns me into a bestseller with movie deals and the lot! And I can hope for that, but I need to be prepared for failure. How long do I look? How many agents do I try? Assuming I do not find an agent or publisher, what is my next option? Self-publishing. I am lucky that I have a friend and he is starting up an indie press, but I will still have to do almost all of my publicity and sales. It'll mean getting tables at events. I'll want artists, maybe crowdfunding or online events. In the end, I want people to read and enjoy my books, even if I have to do all the legwork myself.

None of this is professional advice and I've not researched any of this. All of this is just what I've done.
The result?

I just finished the first round of edits for my second novel. Unlike the first, which I am still looking to publish, this one was finished in about 4 months. I'm currently looking for readers, but I am STOKED that I've been able to write my story in such a timeframe! Not only that, but it has inspired me for more! 

The next step is to look for agents, but I in a few months I will be start my third book. I can't wait!