The Toll of Writing Death

Dear readers, writers, and fans,

As may of you know, I have a prelaunch page for my second book up on Kickstarter right now.

Because of this, I've been trying to polish the manuscript up. Because I cannot help myself, I have done this while waiting for my editor, which just means more work for me. Yay, self!

She did give me one comment, however, that had me realize a few flaws and ended up in me rewriting the entire opening (4 chapters and then some). Don't worry, I've sent them to her. This meant that I had to go through the entire thing looking for anything inconsistent with the new opening, so I decided that while I was doing that, I might as well read it out loud to myself.

If you are a writer, you are doing yourself a major disservice if you aren't reading your works out loud at least once during your revising/editing process. It's incredible the things you miss until you actually physically hear it. Also, step away from it and work on something else for a while. It helps.

Once I'm done, I will get to work on a book tour and getting images, add-ons, rewards, etc. for the Kickstarter campaign. Expect it to launch in October.

It made me want to make a post about the use of present tense words in past tense passages (yes, you absolutely can do this). But that will (maybe) be later.

What I wanted to briefly address with this post is the emotions writing can evoke, and nothing evokes emotions as much as death scenes. (And no, it's not a spoiler. It's page 1.) I'll get to that.

Have you, as a writer, ever noticed that certain scenes are just hard to write emotionally, like you can't bring yourself to put your character through what you have planned for them? Not only that, but writing your character making a mistake, doing something stupid, makes me want to yell at them as I'm writing them doing it!

I have one scene in particular that is based on an event that actually happened to me (you'll have to guess). Every time I write it, my heart rate picks up and I feel my face and ears flushing. The funny thing is, though, that I'm not thinking about what actually happened to me when I'm writing it. The fact that it happened to me just makes it that much easier to step into my main character's shoes and see it better through his eyes. It feels a bit like method acting, but for novelists.

Torturing my characters in some way is almost a pastime for me. Yet, I feel the pain they are going through. And, conversely, I feel the vitriol in the villain doing the torturing, the sadistic glee. It's a rollercoaster.

I've written a few death scenes before. Sometimes they are easier because of the length (death can be sudden and unexpected), but longer ones are harder to get just right because you want to do the characters justice. What are the perfect last words (and are they even completely spoken)? Is something in this scene metaphorical? If it's referenced later, I have to make certain every reference to it is accurate (from the recalling character's POV). And, regardless of the length, every important character's death should have echoes throughout the rest of the book. Otherwise, it's just death for death's sake, and that's poor writing (you know who you are).

But sometimes writing a death scene takes an emotional toll on me. I have one in particular that I have a hard time reading out loud because it makes me choke up. You'd think that I, as the writer, who authored their death, who has gone through the scene a dozen times at least, and who could change things at any time, would get over it at some point, right? Well, it hasn't happened yet. Perhaps this is because I love almost all of my characters in some way. I tear up when editing it. I wrote the damn thing, but sometimes it feels like the character's last words didn't come from me but were meant for me.

Writing is weird. Weird and wonderful.

It's also cathartic. Therapeutic. This is why people analyze stories (please analyze mine). Sure, the author didn't INTEND anything by making the wallpaper yellow... but what patterns do you see in the story's colors that reveal something the author didn't realize they put in there, something subconscious? I find patterns all the time in my own writing that look awesome and genius and were entirely unscripted. Does it mean something that the character who embodies ADHD originally died, but now gets revived? Does that mean I have come to terms with and am working with my ADHD instead of fighting it? Maybe. Are there parallels between my character's death and my father's? Good question.

Like, seriously good question. I'll need to think about it for a bit.

This is why I think everyone should write. That doesn't mean anyone else should ever see what you wrote (and, in fact, most people shouldn't let others see it except possibly their therapists). But it can draw out difficult emotions, help you work through things, give you a safe place to release, stoke your creativity AND analytical thinking.

I now get back to it. I still have so very much to learn about so many things surrounding this craft.

Things from GenCon I didn’t know (and neither did you)

I’ve been to going to GenCon annually since 2020, which means my first experience with it was during the COVID lockdown. It’s one of—if not THE—largest board game conventions in the world, and after attending this year (2024), I believe it. If you try to navigate the exhibition hall at the wrong time of day, may God have mercy on your soul.

But I’ve never gone to GenCon as a participant. I’ve always gone as a member of the Board Game Rundown crew. The first year, we were mobile, going around interviewing as many people as we could. The second year, we helped out with a booth giving demos between all the camera work. The then we got a booth! We would run demos, have interviews, all sorts of things. It was a blast! Last year, we did a massive giveaway in an attempt to get more subscribers (which did not have the impact we were hoping).

This is the first year where I have my own booth selling my own product… more or less. My boss graciously offered to give me a 4-foot section of the table to sell my novel at. And let me tell you, I learned a lot.

First off, people do not go to GenCon looking for books. They want games. So I quickly learned that no one was going to approach me—I had to fish for them. There’s a certain look where you *know* that person is a reader, but there are a lot of people who will surprise you. The key, I found, was twofold.

Eye Contact

Greeting

By watching everyone go by, I could see them quickly glance away, a not-so-subtle way of conveying that they don’t want to look at a book and have more important things to be doing. Most of those people were too fast or just smiled and kept walking if I tried greeting them.

But some people would look me in the eyes, and then I had a much better chance of getting them to come over. The best one, I found, was when someone’s eyes were lingering just a little too long on my books/amulets. A quick “Hey there! Do you like to read? Know someone who does?” usually got them talking. Sometimes it didn’t go anywhere, but more often than not, I at least got to hand them my business card/bookmark.

Following up the greeting with something else, either something personal (I see you’re a fan of Hazbin Hotel) or generic (What types of novels do you read?) was key. If I didn’t take that initiative, I would have made exactly 0 sales.

What I learned is that all those people passing by who think they aren’t interested in you or your book just don’t know that they are yet. I had my pitch down... a few of them in fact. When I put the book in their hands and told them my pitch, their body language changed and I could tell if they just went from considering me some annoying salesman to someone offering them a good time (15 bucks is cheap ifyouknowwhatImean). What I found even more fascinating was when I gave them the pitch for my second novel. Every single time, when I got to the very end, their eyes lit up and they said something along the lines of “woah!”

It was very reaffirming.

I thought my sales were lackluster until I talked to the other authors, who seemed impressed that I got the numbers I did with a single book to offer. That told me that maybe I really *am* where I’m meant to be. One reader came back a day later and told me she loved the book and couldn’t put it down and that my main character is her new favorite female protagonist. That was the best birthday present. Later, she’d shared it with friends and they were planning on starting a book club for it!

But it was hard work. Moving around the place is difficult. Food is expensive. Standing (if I sat I would miss out on sales) for 8 hours straight hurts. I figured out that bringing food is the way to go, but with it that crowded, I had to take bites when I could. 

I also learned the art of the upsell. Whenever I was handing them the book, I would then bring up the Surli bookmarks that were covered in puns and mention that they’re a dollar off if you buy the book. Sometimes, that was enough to convince them to buy the book as well!

I’m sure there’s going to be a whole lot more I’ll learn at FanExpo in Chicago in a couple of weekends. One of the best things I do at conventions is talk with the other authors. They almost always have friendly and useful advice and they’ve not steered me wrong yet! Plus, I get to see how they do it, and each one does it differently. Making these connections is unbelievably important.