What to do, what to do?

Normally at night, I know exactly what I want to do.

I usually want to write, even if I spend all day writing.

Sometimes I want to roleplay.

Sometimes I want to play a game.

Rarely, I want to watch something. This one is new. In the past, the guilt of not having finished my own book made me want to see other people's stories less and less. Now I'm starting to get interested, but I'm still discerning. More and more, I'm interested in anime, probably because I'm more likely to find fresh ideas there.

But since last night, I can't figure it out. Since reading about a senseless murder, one that could have been anyone, I've been unable to focus my mind.

I keep thinking about what would happen if that had been my wife. I keep worrying about what could happen to my trans son, who is just trying to be himself and not bother anyone.

Right now, I don't think I can write at night. But i have to do something to distract myself.

A Treatise on Free Actors

Yeah, warning, "politics" ahead. I was told to avoid politics, but the things that are now sorted under that term are things that should very much not be associated with politics.

Free Thinking is a phrase that gets thrown around enough that it is in danger of losing any appreciable meaning. This is a phenomenon called "semantic satiation." There are a lot of words that suffer from this, and, as a writer, I try keep on top of things like that. I tend to avoid superfluous words and phrases, but I seriously doubt anyone can avoid them all. Such phrases are part of the human experience.

Unfortunately, it's not always as benign as this. "Socialism", "Capitalism," "Fascism," "Nazi," and "Freedom of Speech" are examples of terms that have been overused and misused to the point of them losing any real meaning for most people. But in these instances, it's not an accident. There are those who know that saturating the zeitgeist with these terms waters them down, and that's mostly because they're either terms that describe the people who don't like them or terms that threaten their agendas. 

"Free Thinking" is getting there, but it's not there yet. It's hand-in-hand with "Freedom of Speech." There is a difference. Freedom of Speech refers to government censorship, but by misusing and overusing it, people now evoke it whenever anyone disagrees with them or whenever someone says something that is utterly awful and doesn't want to suffer any consequences of their words.

I've noticed people using phrases like, "You're just afraid of free thinkers," to defend their terrible ideas and attack university education. They use words like "nonconformist", "maverick", "individualist", and "iconoclast." The problem is that none of them are, indeed, free thinkers.

Most of the time, "free thinking" refers to religious situations, but it can also apply to political ones. It's supposed to define people who refuse to accept socially accepted terms, boundaries, and ideas. They certainly understand them, but instead of letting themselves be defined by a certain term ("I identify as a democrat, therefore I must be pro-choice"), they use these terms to help describe who they really are, and usually this means they don't fit perfectly into any specific group of people. Right now, I've seen more and more people use this word and words like it to defend their conspiracy nonsense or justify doing terrible things.

Free thinking is fine and all. I think everyone should practice it; I'm concerned that very few people actually are. But it is secondary to what I feel is a problem that is plaguing this country, and in fact, the world.

What happens when you turn thoughts into actions?

Such "free actors" can change the world. They become inventors, innovators, writers, artists, activists. But they also can become despots, behind-the-scenes manipulators.

Why am I bringing any of this up?

Because someone with a conscience, a working mind, who does not limit themselves by certain concepts, and who is willing to act on their morals, is rare and is needed now more than ever.

I've come to this conclusion by watching what's happening in Venezuela, Israel, Russia, and the USA. Some manipulative, narcissistic monster is given power and starts giving orders, orders which are objectively evil and frequently illegal. And the result? People do it. 

I thought that, when the military was sent as a police force against its own people based on an obvious and provable lie, the military would refuse this order. It's a clearly illegal order and members of our military are required to disobey illegal orders. But it happened.

I thought that, when hired to demolish part of the White House, no contractor would touch the job until it was handed down to them by congress. It takes seconds of research to find that the president does not own the White House and has no say in such projects. But contractors were all too happy to demolish a part of our history, no questions asked.

Trump has been ordering and doing things that still make me sick to my stomach and surprise me in their audacity and wickedness. And yet, no one is stopping him. 

In an ideal world, there would be enough free actors around that they would, at the very least, provide substantial roadblocks to things like this. I understand that dictators fill their government with cronies and yes men who enable this shit, but at some point down the line, it comes to normal people to do these things. Considering how unpopular the current administration is, you'd think there would be pushback, that ordinary people would realize how much they outnumber these sycophants and monsters. 

This is OUR government, OUR people, OUR country. A random announcement or tweet should not be enough for us to surrender a little bit more of it to a felonious child rapist. We need more people willing to act in defiance of this burgeoning fascist state.

Another Campaign Done—Another Lesson Learned

The campaign for "Fate & Fortune" ended with a little over 200% funding (though there are some backers that need to update their payment methods).

It was only half as successful as "A Sinister Love." While that is certainly disappointing, at least it made it past the $1000 mark (which is where it pays for the art and editing). This means that I will need to sell it in person and possibly have a second Kickstarter later.

The deluxe edition is a bust, however. The cost of each book goes down depending on how many I order, but at 9, it will cost more to print them than I sold them for. I am going to have to order a lot of them and sell them in person or in future campaigns. 

I did not anticipate the election becoming an issue. However, a lot of authors have told me that it is messing up their campaigns as well. Let's just say that this election, and everything it has touched, sucks. I suppose this means that I will need to be aware of other major events that could mess up campaigns.

I also could not have foreseen the mess-up with the ads. In short, my ad account on Meta was suspended (through no fault of my own) on day 1 and I received no notice of it. I did not discover it until day 5. I'm not sure how to prevent this in the future besides checking all my ad sources on a regular basis. It was a perfect storm of incidents.

The feather/quill bookmarks were not enough of an incentive, apparently, for anyone to share the campaign on their social media. When I sold at NekoCon, people thought they were awesome, and I did end up giving almost all of them away. Perhaps they're just a thing that must be seen live to appreciate. I am going to have to do a lot more for the next campaign...

...which won't be for a while.

There's a lot on my plate besides sending out my newest novel.

I'm having a launch party for my first book on December 7th at the Culture Cafe here in South Bend, so I want to get the word out and see if I can get some sort of interest. There's a small chance I'll have copies of my second there as well.

I am going to take part in at least one anthology (and will be looking for more).

I have to start revising book #3.

I have to finish the outline and rough draft of book #4. (Not to mention numbers 5-infinity)

I have to figure out a timeline for the children's book.

I need ads up for A Sinister Love! I need to get audible to actually post it since they approved of it months ago.

I have several short stories I want to get printed.

I need to make certain my trademark goes through.

I have a video series I want to launch. The first one was already recorded.

I have 2 separate animation projects AND a pitch to work on with my brother.

And on top of all that, it's the holiday season, so there's already a ton to do. The 1-year anniversary of my father passing is coming up and I don't want it to go by without something planned.

So, with that, I must go prepare dinner and do household things. Tonight... well, I'll figure it out then.

Hoping the FBI calls me

That’s right, you heard me.

I’m hoping the FBI calls me.

Last night, while going through my email, I discovered an email by someone labeled “ANONYMOUS” with the subject line, “SPENCER redacted, EVERY BOOK YOU PROMOTE WILL BE ON PIRATE SITES”.

I normally would skip over such an email, but I noticed it had no attachments, and it insulted me from the get-go. That’s not a phisher’s M.O. So I opened it to an all caps torrent of threats that I will not repeat here. In short, he called out Fate & Fortune specifically (but not A Sinister Love), he said he’d use A.I. to steal and plagiarize every book I promote on social media or put on goodreads.com, claimed to be immune to the law, and said he was sending my family’s information to local criminals (though he was much more specific with the kind, the sort that needs to be on a registry).

I have not responded, nor will I. But I did learn about how email is sent and how to find the full header in an email. I learned about IPv4 and IPv6 (your computer’s address online will look very different between the two formats). I learned how to trace someone’s IP. And then I learned about “bogun” addresses—IPs that aren’t assigned and can’t be traced. Even with the help of my computer whiz friend, there wasn’t much more I could do (besides report him to his email provider, which I did). I discovered that he, or someone similar, has been sending terrorizing emails to other authors for over a year, sometimes with specific threats and sometimes with an arsenal of 1-star reviews. For an indie author, a bunch of 1-star reviews could be career-destroying.

Then it occurred to me that he threatened my family. Thanks to a recommendation by a colleague, I decided to take this threat seriously. It is most likely nothing, but I can’t know that. And my wife’s job means that blackmail or threats could quickly become a matter of national interest. So, I filed an FBI report. If anyone can find this guy, it’s them. They might not do anything, though if they call me that means they need more information and are doing something. And, yes, the temptation to gloat is a strong one.

Hopefully, he’ll get a visit from some agents soon and his days of terrorizing authors will be over.

I had a feeling there would be complications

Hello everyone!

I wanted to let you all know how my new Kickstarter Campaign is going.

I suppose I’ve been in a rush to get it published. After all, it’s my first! And I suppose I have this idea that if I can write more than one book a year, I’ll really be a professional writer. Well… PUBLISH more than one book a year. We’ll see!

I’ve already had to push things back, however.

The original plan was to start the campaign on the 4th of March and start felling the book on April 8.

Then I found out that we weren’t really ready for it. The video had to be worked on, the graphics, lots of logistics. It got pushed back to the 12th… then the 21st…

There are good reasons, though. A Kickstarter campaign is a lot of work! So is designing merchandise. And since I’ve been told that Monday are the best time to start a campaign, I keep pushing it back by a week…

And last week I had 2 birthdays in the family. My wife was traveling, too (she does that a lot). We have a new kitten. And now there’s Easter, which I am not at all ready for. On top of that, family is visiting! 

I don’t know what this means for things. I haven’t been able to push the book as much as I’ve wanted to. I’m still tentatively starting the campaign on the 1st, but I meet with my publisher tomorrow and we’ll see!

Publication has to be postponed because the printer hasn’t sent us the proofs yet, so I haven’t seen the final product myself! 

Work work work

I thought it would be a good idea to update you all on my current situation (even if most of you are just bots).

I have been hella busy.

• We have a new kitten (8 months) who took a while to acclimate but now he always wants to play and loves yowling at random intervals. However, he is freaking adorable and super affectionate.

• I have been teaching a bunch of junior high kids about writing! And not just "this is grammar" and "this is how you write a 5 paragraph essay" (though I did go over common grammatical errors yesterday), but how to write professionally. There is so much about writing novels that you simply don't learn in school. Hell, I didn't learn this stuff in college; I had to venture out on my own to teach myself. But no, I don't just stop with The Hero's Journey, Scene & Sequel (I formally petition we change that awful name to Action & Reaction thank you), or worldbuilding. I'm teaching them things like how you can't use any lyrics in your book without violating copyright, the different kinds of publishing, query letters, crowdfunding, how to give AND TAKE critique/criticism, formatting, etc. I want to teach them how to actually get a book published. My theory is that they don't teach you this stuff in college because most professors can publish through the university press or go through very different channels, so they simply don't know. I find it fulfilling, even if so far only 2 or 3 of the kids have actually turned in their assignments.

• The next two weeks, I am single-parenting it again. Doesn't seem like a big deal? Yesterday, I didn't get to sit down at the computer until 10 pm.

• But mostly I am working on Kickstarter. In case you were unaware, I am setting up a Kickstarter campaign to help fund my first novel (well, really, to help fund my career as a novelist). It is exciting! However, there's also a lot of learning, trial and error, logistics, planning, etc. In other words, work. I've got most of it ready (and I owe a huge amount of that to my brother (https://www.hixonart.com/) and sister for doing most of the graphics and teaching me basic photoshop skills.
  
  We'll be offering the books, of course, in paperback, hardcover, e-book, and audiobook formats (as read by me). I'm also making these Soul Stone amulets that I think look awesome! I have a crazy expensive tier for one person to take where they get to collaborate with me to make a character for my fourth novel (which is the sequel to the first and the one I am ready to start drafting). My favorite thing, however, are the bookmarks!
  
  They all feature Surli, a Siri-esque digital assistant for demons who has an attitude (not quite Bad Janet from The Good Place but it's a good starting point). One each bookmark, she has a snarky comment about what you're reading and I adore them (and her). "Some of these words are hard. For you." "You're only this far? Ugh, you're so slow." "Is this smut? Does Jesus know you're reading this? I'm so proud of you!" Each physical copy will get at least one.
  
  I've also got some pretty awesome stretch goals, I think. Now, I'm still new to this whole world of book collecting, so I don't have any upgrades to the books (but I likely will in future campaigns), but I do have an amazing artist who will provide more sketched to purchase as well as a full-color image (but we've got to raise quite a bit for that). Backers can also unlock some free short stories that I have yet to write, so they will be exclusive to this campaign, at least for quite a while.
  
  What's left? Well, I need to finish mastering the audiobook (mostly there), I need to get a PO Box, I need figure out the logistics of providing signatures, I have to fix the audio on my video, I need to finish the images (we're still working on the bookmark mock-ups), I need to submit it for approval, I need to start campaigning and spreading the word...

So, as you can see, I am a busy bee. And because of that, I will be signing off. Hope to see you all on the Kickstarter!

Updates and Scams and Kittens and Stuff

 Hello, hello!

Yes, it's been a little bit, but I hope you (all 3 of you, you know who you are) can forgive me. It's been busy.

First, I have been working to get this Kickstarter campaign for A Sinister Love off the ground. I'm making amulets I call "soul stones" because that's a thing in my book, but so far they all seem to get strange bubble-like patterns beneath the cabochon and I do not know why. It appears days later. I've been using mod podge, but I may have to try out an alternative, like UV resin. OR it might be the image not sticking right to the amulet. It's not a huge deal, but I want to be able to make the best product I can for you!

I've also been working on the audio for the video that will play. My brother and sister are putting together the video and various images. I finally got the voice over recordings from the actress I hired, but they were raw and needed to be mastered. Luckily, I've become rather decent at that if I do say so myself, on account of having to do it to my audiobook (which is a lot longer than 30 seconds). Somehow, I was able to remove all the mouth noises, background sounds, artifacts, etc. and put all of it together into one file (it's 35 seconds but close enough). Then I looked around for royalty-free music. I played one and it sounded good, it almost matched, so I deleted the first 5 seconds (it was a build-up anyway) and suddenly it fit the audio *PERFECTLY*. I was almost in tears. I love it!

My artist, Graziel (maybe I should ask if she'd like a character with her name in the book), has provided me several more pieces of art to showcase other characters. Now I just need the cover image, Surli's image, and images of the merch... then I think we can start throwing it all together! At some point I need to record myself to add to the video, but that's not a big deal.

The goal is to have it up by March 8th. Mark your calendars. (Actually, I would like to launch it on March 4th... but we'll see if that's enough time).

We also got a new kitten! He's a grey, medium-hair fluffball filled who is turning out to be full of affection and playfulness. It's just taken him a few days to come out of hiding.

I've been secretly teaching myself something that I plan on showing off when I meet with the family in April. I just have to make sure I've got it down pat or I'll ruin the effect.

We have the memorial for my father in April, as well as the total solar eclipse AND the release of my book (yes, I put them both down for the same day).

I've been tossing around an idea in my head for a tiktok series where I tackle fan theories or incomplete shows coming from a writer's point of view. I noticed that there is no shortage of fan theories (for everything under the sun), but soooooo many of them would make for a terrible show. Though I also think I could add that I have ADHD. See, it never occurred to me that I could highlight this as a reason to buy my book. Then I found this Youtube series called "How To ADHD" and wow... it's definitely worth watching, whether you have ADHD or know someone who does (and you probably do). The one that really got me so far is about rejection sensitivity and avoidance. As she started describing it, I started to realize that it explains SO MUCH about the choices I've made in the past, from my relationships to my schooling to my writing. It also never occurred to me that someone with ADHD may have *stronger* emotions than other people. I just learned to mask mine.

But enough about that. I wanted to finish this post up with a little story about this time I thwarted a scam artist.

Yeah. I know. Random.

(Hello? ADHD!)

---------

I used to work in a school district in South Carolina. I was their grant writer, but I was new and so they wanted to train me (which in the end didn't work, but that's a story for another time). They found this big seminar where some expert was going to give those of us who signed up a workshop and lecture about grant writing.

Well, they were supposed to send me a packet with information (like which building on the campus they were going to use, the itinerary, etc.). I kinda needed it. But they sent me an incomplete packet which didn't have the all-important information. So I called them up in California and got to someone who said they would send me the packet right away and told me which building and room it was supposed to be in. But, being the inquisitive researcher that I am, I started to look this up. Something smelled fishy (namely I had a piece of conflicting information). Well, the room *had* been set aside for the seminar, but the group putting it all together canceled their reservation with exactly as much time as they needed to get their money back (I figured that part out). The event space owners had no clue. MAJOR red flag. So I researched the lecturer. He had been quickly contacted by the group and asked to give a lecture about grant writing, but knew almost nothing else, not even that the reservation had been canceled. ANOTHER major red flag. Then I researched the group.

They had done this many times in the past. Their M.O. was to call local professors and get them to show up to give a lecture with the promise of pay (which never happened), make it look and sound all official by having pamphlets and a location and stuff, get a bunch of people to sign up, then cancel their reservation and pull out *fast*. I tried calling them again, but never got an answer after that first time. I wonder why. This left the professors hanging in the breeze and looking like they were responsible when a bunch of people showed up to a locked building. The professors never saw any pay from it, either. But the kicker is this—they had done this about once a month for the past 6 or so months, but after the lecture I was signed up to go to, their schedule massively ramped up to 1 or even 2 a week all over the country. 

I told the school district and called the bank to tell them about the scam. We were able to keep our $600 entry fee. And then I started sending out emails. You see, I managed to track down the location they were working out of. I no longer remember which agency or agencies I contacted with all the information I had. I also reported them to the BBB and began leaving scathing and truthful comments on every platform they had.

I don't know for certain that I shut down their operation, but I certainly did my best and would have made the cops' jobs easier.

Exciting news!

 As I'm sure I've stated before (or maybe I haven't), I have a tentative date for the release of my debut novel, A Sinister Love. 

April 8th! The solar eclipse!

I can't wait. It is exciting and daunting and nerve-wracking all at once. It may not be with a big publisher, but this is still a lifelong dream come true! 

But we're also going to do a Kickstarter for it! We have some pretty good ideas for what to offer you all, but it is going to mean a lot of hard work in a short period of time.

It doesn't help that this is the first time I'll have been on the other side of a Kickstarter campaign.

Here's a list of the things I need to do for it... or at least some of the things.

1- Get a video
    My brother will take care of this, but I need to get him all the information, a breakdown/script of what will be in it. I also need to get interviews in for the video, as well as sounds effects, voice actor(s), etc. I will need to do some research.

2- Make an outline of the campaign page
    I've dealt with plenty of Kickstarter campaigns as a host of the Board Game Rundown. We used to do a segment on what was new to crowdfunding, plus I've made connections with people who have run their own campaigns, both successfully and unsuccessfully. But this is the first time I'll be on the other side of the page. I'm looking at similar projects now to get an idea of what they do.

3- Images
    Part of getting the outline of the page done is figuring out every single image in it so I can assign these to my sister or others to put together for me. This not only means a mock rendering of the novel in its various forms, but of all the merchandise as well. Plus there are headers, stretch goals, and other miscellaneous images that must be made.

4 - Tiers
    Seems obvious, but it's not. Every KS has different levels of rewards you can earn for donating so much money. Offering too few can hurt sales, but so can offering too many. So, my current thought is:

• get on the mailing list
• get the e-book and some bit of merch
• get the audiobook and some bit of merch
• get a signed paperback
• get a signed hardcover
  
• book club tier

I also want to offer a really awesome opportunity for 1 or 2 backers willing to pay. But I'm not going to say what it is. 😜

4- Merchandise!
    As a wise culture once said, "Merchandising! Merchandising! Where the *real* money from the movie is made." Well I don't know about that, but it certainly isn't going to hurt. Plus there are a lot of things I can offer. At the moment, I'm toying with a few ideas but I need to narrow and pin them down. I also realized that one of my characters, Surli (a snarky digital assistant), is perfect for merchandising. Options include: Surli pins, Surli bookmarks, Surli stickers, Surli thumb drives, postcards, coasters, signed digital copies of the cover art, soul stone jewelry, heck even a Surli plush (squeeze it and it insults you!). 

5- Stretch goals
    Most crowdfunding campaigns do better if there are good stretch goals that are achievable. I've come up with a few that I am proud of. First, I have already asked my artist and she is more than willing to produce new art, so one or two of the stretch goals will be to break open new art prints as an add-on. She already did a second piece of art for the book, so one stretch goal might be to offer the choice between two different covers. Not only is more art going to be available, but with enough backers, I will offer non-digital prints of the signed art, even a metal print! Finally, with enough backers, everyone will get a free short story (or two) telling them more about the characters (I already have several in mind that I would love to write). 

6- Shipping and other logistics
    Boring stuff, but super important. I've got to figure out how to ship everything. I'm just one guy, so if this operation goes viral, I'll need to have a plan for how to tackle that. I need to be able to estimate shipping costs to the various parts of the world (if I can find an overseas press, that might help with a lot of it, but they'd likely still have to mail me book covers I can sign and then mail back to them). There are a lot of logistics to consider, include pricing, what pledge manager to use, timing, monetary goal for the campaign, etc.

7- Risks
    Everything carries risks, even if you don't see them at first. I learned from some good friends who have also sold books via Kickstarter that some risks just can't be anticipated. No one could have guessed that a worldwide pandemic would cause the price of both shipping and PAPER to skyrocket, for instance. Now, there are ways to mitigate some of this (for instance, not including the cost of shipping in the campaign, just an estimate, and having the shipping cost be applied during the pledge manager part to eliminate some of the time between estimated shipping and actual shipping). I can only cross my fingers that something doesn't happen that will kill the campaign.

8- Transparency
    I'm bad about updated as frequently as I should, but that would have to change the moment the KS campaign opens. The site would need to be transparent and truthful about timing, costs, shipping, etc. and I would need to keep the backers in the loop regularly.

9- LLC
    I'm not a businessman and I've never taken business classes. But it was brought to my attention that if I start offering a host of merchandise to go along with the book, it might behoove me to start my own business...

There's more, there's always more... and I'm already thinking towards the future.

We are kicking around the idea of having a second Kickstarter later (or just part of the KS for the next book). Having a full-cast audiobook would be awesome. I would love to offer a leather-bound, gilt hardcover with ribbon bookmark and illustrations throughout. Plus, I might be able to figure out some way to make an actual Surli, either an AI or some sort of Siri/Alexa modification. For a later KS campaign, where I have more than a month to pull it all together (and hopefully a bit of a following by then), I would have a second group of Stretch Goals—Social Goals! I've seen this used to great effect in the past. It would be some awesome stretch goal that is only unlocked when enough people fulfill a list of social requirements, spreading the word on social media while tagging someone (and maybe mentioning something related to the book), taking a picture of yourself with either devil horns or a halo and posting it online, etc. I even saw one campaign that included a bunch of puzzles to solve and those who solved them all got a free add-on (less "social" and more "get them excited").
Or, there's always the possibility of... a crossover with another IP...

So there you have it. For the next month I am going to be hella busy. I can't wait, to be honest, but it's still a bit intimidating.

Wish me and A Sinister Love luck! If you have an idea of some piece of merch you would like to see, post it in the comments below.

A Look Forward to 2024

 Hello everyone!

It's that time of year again... when none of us really know what time or year it is.

That's right! Tomorrow is New Year's Eve!  Woot! Goodbye 2023, hello 2024!

It seems a lot of my friends have had a bad 2023. It's not secret that I had a pretty good 2023 (despite losing my dad). So I thought it would be good to look forward to 2024! I want to split it into goals (things I have some control over), hopes (things I have little control over), and resolutions (ongoing behavior).

Goals:

Although I wanted to get published in 2023, it looks like I will get my book out in early 2024. So my biggest goals revolve around promoting myself and my book and driving up sales. I want to get my website running, get merch set up for it, get ads set up for it, promotional material, etc. etc. etc.

I have been working on an audiobook. My goal is to have it ready to go before mid-January. I may have to rerecord a couple chapters, though.

I have a second novel I'm working on. I want it published by July.

I have a children's book I'm working on. I would love for it to be finished and released in 2024.

I have a third novel I'm working on that I want published next year. 

I want to have the fourth and fifth novels well on their ways so they can hit the market in 2025.

I would like to start working with a group I know on the audiobooks for numbers 2 and 3.

Hopes:

Of course my biggest hope next year is for A Sinister Love to be successful. But even if it isn't, I'm not going to stop writing novels any time soon.

I want the Board Game Rundown to at least double its subscribers. Getting a salary from it would be incredible.

Resolutions:

I have two main resolutions for 2024. The first is to read at least 12 books. I haven't been reading enough, especially for a serious novelist.

The second is to write 2 articles for the BGR a month.

This all is a LOT of work. 2 years ago, his would have been an absolute pipedream. Hell, if you told me back in January that I would be poised to publish three books in 2024, I'd have thought you were lying. I am determined to make 2024 MY year.

Rest

 I am sad to say that my father has passed away.

He left us on November 21st.

https://www.egan-ryan.com/obituary/David-Hixon

Transitioning

 This is a very strange and important time in my life.

I certainly had not anticipated being in Ohio this past weekend.

My plan had been to have my book just about ready to publish at this point so I could release it on Black Friday. That’s now 5 days away and I’m still waiting on things that are out of my hands. It may well be that I don’t make this deadline, but I won’t worry about something I have little control over. Plus, I am still riding the high of getting the final render of my art, finishing the rough draft of book #3, finishing the audio for the audiobook, having finished the plotting of book #4… For the first time in my life I feel like I could actually be something. This, writing, is what I was born to do, what I want to do. 

But life is more than writing.

And it doesn’t last forever.

When I got a call from the hospice telling me my dad is in the final stages of his “transition,” I dropped everything (almost literally—I was helping a friend move) and made the 5-hour drive here. He hadn’t opened his eyes in a week, his body had started shutting down, and he hadn’t responded to anyone in days. They told me the end was “imminent.” When I arrived, he was only taking about 5 breaths a minute and his oxygen levels were very low. But he did open up his eyes and look at me. For about 3 minutes I could have believed that he was about to get up and ask what we were all standing around for. Now he is resting, the “little death” of sleep. 

They call it “transitioning” and I can see why. It is comforting, for us and for our departing loved ones. For those of us who are religious, it reminds us of the hereafter. And it evokes a feeling of change. The change in the transitioner is obvious, but it is also a change for those left behind. We must take the lessons their life taught us and forge ahead, bringing their good with us. It is a time to think back on all the ways they changed us and vice versa.

There comes a point when there are more memories made than to be made—none of us really want to think about that and so we don’t, not until it is near the end. I may well be there now. Thinking back, dad has lived a good life. He was a good man, a good role model. At times, his was a lesson on what not to do, but even when he failed, he didn’t give up. When I pass, I want those made memories to be good ones, for me and for my loved ones.

So, it is not a bad thing that I will likely miss this deadline of mine. Even if I had total control over it, life events like this one are more important. But I will remember the lessons he taught me. I will not give up. This roller coaster of emotions is temporary and will pass. And perhaps the high of getting published is in some way negating the feeling of loss. I like to think, however, that it is the good memories doing that. As my dad continues his transition, and I continue my own, I will keep those good memories in mind.

A Milestone

 BEHOLD Hixonites. I HAVE RETURNED from my cave of hyperfocus. And I bring tidings of joy!

I have finished the rough draft of my third book! At the moment it is a little over 50k words long. I was getting a bit worried there, but I’m sure it will get longer once I go through it again.

That means in 2023 I have written and mostly edited a book (my second, “Fate & Fortune”), written a children’s book (working with the author, my good friend Monica Marier, on the pictures for it, “Brian Buys a Brachiosaurus”), recorded an audiobook, written several small “bathroom reader” type books (rough drafts), and finished the rough draft of another book (Book #3, “A Date with Destiny”)! And it’s only mid-November!

As soon as my cover artist finishes and the formatting is completed, I will also be able to say that I published my first book! I’ll be a published novelist!

I cannot express how pumped I am about this, not to mention how proud I am of myself.

So, I have a month and a half until 2024. What shall I accomplish?

Here’s a list of things I could tackle:

• finish editing Book #2 and send it off to an editor
• hire a cover artist for Book #2
• get my website up and running
• make ads for Book #1 and figure out how to get them out there
• look into events where I can sell (probably author signings and the like—getting a table will have to wait until I have more products to sell)
• “master” the audio for my audiobook and figure out how to get it set up
• record audio for Book #2 OR look into Forteller and see how that process works and its cost
• figure out this whole “social media” thing to start getting my name out there more
• get some short stories into some publications to start getting my name out there more
• look into ARC readers (do I need them?)
• start writing Book #4 (which I’ve already outlined and am SUPER stoked about writing—it continues the story of Scribble and Paul from Book #1. It will be titled “A Sinister Hope”)
• start writing Book #4 (a creative nonfiction piece I’ve been trying to write for years. obviously whichever one I decide to write first will be #4)
• figure out how to link ads to Amazon in such a way that it increases my profits
• edit, format, and finish the bathroom readers
• write more bathroom readers (I’m planning a series of them that, who knows, might become a compendium)
• write and record music to play at the start and end of the audiobook

I clearly will not be able to do all, or even most, of these things in the next month and a half, so I will need to prioritize. And I have several other novels in mind that I want to get to after these, so from the look of things, I have my work cut out for me.

Oh yeah, there’s also Thanksgiving and Christmas, the Board Game Rundown, and family obligations. In addition, my father has Lewy Body Dementia (and probably Alzheimer’s). He’s currently in hospice and we do not know how long he has. For all the wonderful things happening right now, there are some pretty unpleasant ones, too.

Until next time, keep reading, keep creating, and have a happy Thanksgiving!

What I’m up to

For the longest time, year after year, I felt useless. There’s a Christmas song that asks what you’ve done this year, and I hated hearing it because my answer was always the same—nothing. I’d always have some excuse. To be perfectly frank, the reason came down to undiagnosed/medicated depression and unmedicated AHD.

At the beginning of this year, I took care of both of those problems.

So I thought it would be nice, on a personal level, to go over what I’ve accomplished this year.

• I wrote a book in 4-5 months.
• I was in charge of my lodge
• I played music at church every week
• I went to GenCon and Origins as part of the Board Game Rundown
• I hired an editor and cover artist and am now weeks away from having my first book published
• I recorded an audiobook
• I write a kid’s book
• I wrote 2 booklets about serial killers
• I traveled to California AND France
• I helped finally move my parents (an ongoing and massive affair)

I certainly can’t say I have done nothing. But the year isn’t over. So here’s a look at what I am currently doing and planning.

• I’m halfway-ish through writing a sequel to the book I wrote earlier this year
• I am remastering the audiobook
• I am working with an artist on the children’s book
• I am editing book #2
• I am working on a creative nonfiction book
• I just finished outlining the sequel to my first book.
• I’m working on an animation project with my brother and sister
• I’m getting my website up and running
• I have been training at the gym and have made many personal records

My therapist says I bite off more than I can chew. I have to agree with her.

At the start of this year, I was determined to make 2023 my year. And I think I have. For the first time, I feel like I can actually do something, be something, like my dreams are really achievable.

With the book so close to be done and the outline to its sequel finally figured out, I feel like every day is Christmas. I haven’t felt like this in a long time. I’m so excited I can hardly sleep!

Back on Track

 Hey-o, Hixonites!

I’m proud to say that I have my cover artist working on my novel’s cover right now! It’ll take a bit, but that’s just how things roll sometimes.

I’m a little behind where I wanted to be (before Halloween) but I think I’ll be able to start selling by Thanksgiving. At least online.

Speaking of, I have so much to do for Halloween yet! I haven’t decorated or bought pumpkins or planned the party or figured out costumes…. I plan on hosting my wife’s department Halloween party dressed as Sweeney Todd and she’ll be Mrs. Lovett. We’ll serve meat pies (of course)!

But unfortunately I’ve been sick. This is the second week I’ve had something keeping me from doing the Rundown or really being myself. Last week, stomach issues, this week it’s a nasty cold that just won’t go away (it’s not COVID at least—I still haven’t had COVID). It’s been giving me headaches that have made it hard to look at screens.

Here’s hoping I’ll be healthy the rest of the year, what little of it remains.

Yay Capitalism.

 Hello Hixonites!

Yes, I just came up with that term. You can all call yourselves that now.

I have been working hard to get this book done, though I'm working on other projects as well, and I'll be on vacation in a week so I'm trying to get done what I can before then.

As such, I thought it would be nice to finally utilize the domain name I've been paying for for several years now. I have a free site using Wix, and that's the same place I purchased my domain through.

What I find awkward is that I cannot use that domain, even though I'm paying for it, without upgrading from a free site to a not-so-free site. So what should cost something like $15/year will end up costing more like $219/year.

... yay.

Here's the rub. I want to be a successful writer, And making money takes money. I have no delusions that my debut novel will be some amazing, runaway bestseller or get any movie deals (but, honestly, it would make for an awesome movie or series). But I have to keep costs in mind.

If I sell my book at $15 and it costs, say, $7 to publish, that's a supposed net profit of $8. Let's take taxes out of that, assume 1/3, and that gives me a profit of about $5.33 per book sold. Now, there's going to be a cost to ship the book, most likely, and I don't know what that would be.
But now let's add in the cost of an editor and cover artist. For the sake of easy calculations, I'll estimate it all to $1200. Yeah, not cheap.
In order to pay for that, I need to sell about 225 books. BUT I also need to pay for advertising and I haven't looked into that, yet. How many more books must I sell just to break even?
Except now with this website nonsense, I wouldn't be breaking even. I'd need to sell at least 3 books per month to pay for the website.
If I go to a convention, I would need to pay for the table. Let's say it's $300. Just to pay for that table would require I sell 56 books.

I'm a new author, with a debut novel, no agent, an indie press, and minimal fame (if you can call 3.3k subscribers to the Board Game Rundown "fame").

Seems fairly obvious that breaking even with one book it not going to happen for a long time, if at all. I *need* to get more books and gain an audience. If I can sell 1k books online, I'd be cooking.

But all this ignores one, final, deadly calculation.

My value. I did the calculations. My first novel took a long time to write, probably about a year, give or take, if you only count the days I was able to write. And taking the time spent, that could've been 6 months full-time. But my second novel took about 4 months to write, but that wasn't full-time. If I wrote it full time it might have taken a month. That's ~160 hours.
If I want to make just $15/hour, I'd need to sell 452 books per month BEYOND what I would need to sell to break even.

This is kinda daunting and depressing, is it not? Writing has been my life-long dream. It was always in my plans, even when I wanted to be a paleontologist. But unless I write a LOT or make it big, there really isn't much money in it. I'm blessed that I have a loving, supporting wife who makes a lot more money than I'll ever make (I'd need to sell well over 1k books a month just to get close). And I do know and have met authors who earn 6 figures writing.

If I lived in a society that places human values over money, artists would get a stipend. But how do we do that? Well, everyone is an artist deep down inside. Instead of subsidizing oil and corn or throwing ungodly amounts of money at military contractors (and before you claim that we need to have a strong military and lowering their budget would make us weak, I'll have you know that the Defense Department is the ONLY federal agency that has NEVER passed an audit), we should just give everyone enough money to survive.
Some of us would be happy just having enough to get by, but most of us would want to earn more than that. However, having enough to get by means we can take risks. If I wasn't married to my wife, I would need to have a full-time job and write on the side, which is very difficult to do. If I didn't have to worry about having food and shelter from the elements, I would probably just write books because I know that if I fail, I'm not going to starve to death or end up on the street.

Sadly, we have decided that human value is directly tied to your income. By that rubric, I am worthless scum, for I cost a lot more money than I bring in. Forget the fact that I'm a stay-at-home dad who does chores around the house all day, volunteers at numerous nonprofits, and plays music for my church pro bono. According to capitalism, none of those things matter.

I like to think that they do. And so does art. Even if I touch just one person, I've made a difference with my writing. One of the things that keeps me going is the idea that my book(s) will be someone's favorite(s), they just don't know it yet. 

The Forever Family Emergency

Hello dear reader,

I do say "reader" because if you are reading this, you are probably the only one.

Something I've been going over with my therapist (yes, I have a therapist, everyone should have a therapist) is the fact that I tend to give myself far too much to day and then get overwhelmed. I need to give things a priority.

Priorities change.

As I'm getting ready to finish editing a novel on Friday night, I essentially get a desperate plea for help from my sister 250 miles away. Like a good person, I pack up and make the 4+ hour trek in the middle of the night.

To truly understand this situation, you're going to need some background.

My dad has hydrocephalus, which means there is essentially water on his brain, which is leading him to have dementia and what is more than likely Alzheimer's. Alzheimer's runs in his side of the family, so watching him deteriorate is like looking down the barrel of a gun that'll go off in 40 years.

My mom has had... issues her whole life, and I recently discovered that they are all symptoms of a mental disorder called "OCPD" - Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder. This is not OCD. If you have OCD, you are compelled to do something but you don't really have a reason for it, you don't even want to be doing it but you don't have a choice. You must do it and if you don't it'll eat you up until you do. But with OCPD there is a thing you are compelled to do because it is Right and Good and only You can do it and Your Way is the Only Way to do it and No One Else can help you and God Help Anyone who tries to stop you. Another way of seeing it is that someone with OCD might seek treatment while someone with OCPD doesn't believe they have any condition at all and will likely resist treatment. It also comes with fun comorbidities, like hoarding. My mom has an issue with cleanliness... but she also has piles of crap everywhere, they're just sterile piles of crap. Oh, and then there's the manipulation, including breakdowns, lying, gaslighting, "I'm the victim" mentality, and undermining.

She believes she can care for dad, but she can't. Even the doctors said it is not a safe situation. For instance, 3 weeks ago, he blacked out and had to go to the hospital, which turned into dangerous, life-saving surgery and a 20-day stay. In the end, this was going to be a good thing, as it meant dad was going to have the treatment he needed. But some social worker put in some hospital notes that my dad was being belligerent. Well, yeah, it's called "sun-downing" and "recovery from brain surgery." But because of that note, the social worker pretty much ensured that no memory-care facility will take him now. And while my mom and sister were checking out the only one that would take him (which turned out to be a hard no), another social worker tried to get dad discharged, which meant he would have to go to the terrible facility or home. 

So I drove there to try to help get him home. Of course they decide not to discharge him when I arrive, and I end up wasting a whole day just trying to deal with my mom's OCPD. I gave up writing, I gave up playing music for church, I gave up recording the Board Game Rundown to help get my dad home, and of course an hour after I leave, mom is trying to force my dad to do things he doesn't want to do and they are yelling at each other. If he gets too defensive or belligerent, he could seriously hurt her and not mean to.

This is the problem.  I would call APS but now I know it will do absolutely no good. And my mom still insists on doing this all on her own. She needs help, in-home care at the very least. But she'll never accept it. She won't give us enough information to start an insurance claim. She won't let us assist her. She can't give up her obsession with things being clean. She utterly refuses to do anything about the piles of junk that have sprung up (oh my word, this story is the TIP if a massive shitberg that I just don't have time to write here). And she almost immediately started to lie to me and my sister and try to gaslight us. If you know me and my history, you'll know I find lying to be abhorrent. It's bad enough my son does it, but he's 7. My mom!? 

This situation is much larger than I've revealed here. When I tell people (generally professionals, like therapists or the Alzheimer's Association doctors, what have you) the whole thing, the reaction is always the same: "That's a really tough situation you're in." Yeah, I know. I'm watching my dad's brain deteriorate, knowing that may well be my fate, while my mom just makes it all infinitely worse and prevents us from helping. Tough doesn't come close.

This is all happening as I'm trying to get my first book published, starting an animation project with my brother and eldest sister, and trying to write/film a how-to-play. I'm feeling overwhelmed and my depression keeps trying to take hold again.

I can't wait for writing to become a priority again.

Welcome to Life

I know only a handful of people will read this (unless I somehow become extremely lucky and gain fame and notoriety that would put Beyonce to shame). I know I have a lot of work ahead of me if I’m going to start gaining a readership. I once had a good 80 or so people reading this thing you know!

But I’m going to do it.

It’s scary. I remember hearing someone say “you aren’t really afraid of failing, you’re afraid of succeeding.” Well, no, I’m definitely afraid of failing. I’m afraid that I’m either a terrible writer whose beta readers, friends, and family have all been lying to, or that I will become just another story of an amazing author kept down by his inability to market himself. But in a sense I am also afraid of succeeding.

I don’t know what I’m doing when it comes to marketing and self-promotion. I used to be internet savvy, back when Numa Numa was still a thing. Not so much any longer. I’m using a few guideposts while looking for more. But I know I have my work cut out for me. I know it will be a ton of work that I’m unfamiliar with and might not be good at if I am going to succeed. And if I succeed, what will that do to the family dynamic? Our schedules will become complicated.

As an example, I am also one of the co-hosts of the Board Game Rundown on youtube and we’ve earned over 3.2k subscribers as of this writing. We’re talking about turning this gig into a paying job with hours and everything… which will mean writing and marketing and publishing and selling will all have to happen on off hours.

If I am successful, life will get complicated.

But I think it’s time for that. I’m 42, never had a real career, always had a hard time holding on to jobs (apparently have some self-respect is not something employers actually want), and have been spinning my wheels for 10 years. It is time I got my professional life started. I might be a late bloomer, but by God I’m going to bloom.

At the cusp

Things all seem to be so close to taking off. 

The Board Game Rundown is going to be at Origins and this year we have our own booth! We’re getting to interview some big names and are making real connections. I cannot state how excited this makes me! It’s a hobby I love and I might be able to turn it into a real job! Plus, I get to spread awareness of board gaming as a sort of board game ambassador (I’ve essentially been doing this for decades–I frequently try to find what board game an interested person might enjoy).

I am looking for agents for my first book, A Sinister Love. I have finished writing a second book (just 5 months) and ready and eager to have readers give me some feedback. I have been brainstorming ideas for sequels to BOTH books, as well as a creative nonfiction book I’ve been aching to write for years.  It feels like I’m just a few steps from making it as a writer, even though I know there’s so much work ahead and I cannot know how close I actually am.

At the same time, I’ve been practicing guitar a lot and am getting much better. I have plans for recording, possibly even offering my services online.

My brother and I are working on a script for an animation he is making. We have plans for more.

I am close, but i cannot drop the ball. I have to keep going, and there’s a lot to do. I need to do my due diligence to the rundown. I need to start writing for magazines and the like. I need to push myself a little harder in my guitar playing (and learn to sight read).

I’m just a little worried that this is all for naught. Either nothing is going to pan out despite my best efforts, or I will sabotage myself. All I can do is plug away one day at a time.

Hitting My Stride

 

I'm terrible at making good posts. I don't use pictures because I don't feel I should be bothered. I rarely edit them. And so far, posting has been few and far between as it is.

It's been like that for A LOT of things in my life.

There was a point where my basement was torn up and basically unusable, I'm forced to deal with a child with encopresis (look it up) which included a hospital visit, my father was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, I was spending time going to my sister's house hundreds of miles away to prepare a house for my mother who will be *very* ungrateful for all the work we've done, I was busy with the freemasons, the house was a disaster...   The list of things goes on and on and on. Truly, I could continue for paragraphs about how insane things have been. This is just scratching the surface.

A lot of that was due to COVID. It really messed things up, physically, psychologically, etc.

So I decided enough was enough. I was 40! And I've accomplished none of my goals!

At some point in the last 2 years, I became fed up with incompetence. I decided I would no longer coddle those who did an unsatisfactory job. This, however, included myself! Nay, it was mostly about myself. So I started taking steps to improve my life.

Step 1: Get my ADHD under control. 

I've had it since I was a kid, but I'd never properly educated myself about it. So I did. It was eye-opening to finally connect certain behaviors and understand what was really going on. If you want to know more, check out my article about it on the Game Talk Network. One of the things I learned, though, is that ADHD is highly treatable, and it had been ages since I took medicine for it. So I went to my doctor and we tried out a few until we found a medicine and dose that works for me.

Step 2: Get my depression under control. 

While dealing with ADHD, my doctor realized I was also suffering from depression, and had been for quite a while. This did involve medicine as well, but it also involved finding a therapist. The first one was not a good fit for me. We got into political arguments and she offered no insight or help. The second, though, is a very good fit and I like her a lot. It helps to have her break things down, even just to have someone to talk to about things.

Step 3: Get in shape.

I've always been an active person, but my relationship with gyms has been on again, off again. Part of the problem is that I have NO IDEA what I am doing at the gym. This is where not putting up with incompetence comes into play. I hired a personal trainer. He knows about general fitness, as well as strength-building, stamina, agility... This summer will mark 1 year with a personal trainer. I've gone from doing 0 pull-ups in my entire life to being able to do over 12 in a row. I have gained strength, I look better, and my knees hurt a lot less.  Oh, did I not mention that I have arthritis? Pretty severe arthritis, in fact. I could barely climb stairs. Last week, I used a single leg to slowly sit and stand, 3 times each leg. There are other benefits. Being fit improves your focus, your confidence, your mental acuity, and your immune system. 

Step 4: Stop pretending I am what I'm not.

I'm not a plumber. I've never laid tile. I have no idea how to do electrical. I have no interest in learning these things, either, yet I've been youtubing it for years. No more! I hired someone to take care of my floor. I will hire someone to get rid of our ridiculous amount of dead leaves (we are literally in a forest of massive trees). I may even end up hiring a maid to help keep this house clean. These are things we can afford, and they will free up SO MUCH TIME AND STRESS. Yes, they can get expensive, but it is worth it for me.

Step 5: Get back my time.

One of the biggest problems I've had is not spending my time wisely. I roleplay online, play video games, watch tv and movies... being a gamer/geek takes a lot of time. Well I have almost stopped with video games altogether, TV and movies have been cut down drastically. I spend the time, instead, writing. To me, it is actually more entertaining and fulfilling to be able to work towards my goals and write my own story than watch someone else's story. Facebook and the like can get dangerous, so I must be cognizant of how much time I spend on social media. Online roleplaying has been cut down, but at times I feel guilty for abandoning my online friends. It will likely always be a balancing act there, one I'm bad at.

Step 6: Get my house in order.

This is the one I am currently stuck on. But because of all the other things I've done, it has been easier. I put in a system to help with dishes - and often this means paper plates. I was tired of my dishwasher never getting things cleaned, so I got a new one. We've replaced curtains we've hated since we moved in. We took off the terrible wallpaper in the office and painted it. Things are slowly getting cleaner and the house is gradually becoming "ours". But it is still a work in progress.

Step 7: Return to hobbies and prioritize them.

I am a creative person, not just in writing. I've had goals and hobbies that have fallen by the wayside. So I'm reigniting the passion. I'm trying new ones. I'm drawing, building models, playing guitar... and there are so many that I cannot do them all! So I need to prioritize, give them the time they need and give more time to those which are more important. My therapist says that this is actually quite important for my mental health, and I have to agree. Since I've picked up guitar again, I've been calmer and I get excited at the prospect of getting to play. Instead of watching TV, I'll transcribe a song by ear. I have plans for videoing and voice acting as well. It will mean improving my time management.

Step 8: Reconnect with my wife.

This is another one we are working on. Don't get me wrong - we're not in trouble or anything. We love each other and are loyal and happy. But a couple's therapist can help even strong couples, and we were hoping to get one. Time has been an issue (if you think I'm busy, I've got nothing on my wife!). We've been working to implement regular date nights. The last thing I want is to lose touch and for us to drift apart. Recent events have led me to appreciate her more. I'm hopeful that this all will lead to an even better relationship with her.

Step 9: Act like a professional.

Here's a tough one. I want to be an author with all my heart! But that means I will have to act like one. This means I need to start gaining an audience, to improve my social media presence, to spend real time looking for agents, to plan when to write, when to handle the other half of being an author, and when to handle the rest of life. I will keep doing what I can to work towards being a true professional, keep learning and finding tools to help.

Step 10: Adjust expectations.

No one wants to hear this! We all want to get what we want in all its glory without any compromises. I want to be picked up by an amazing, talented agent who gets my book into big stores and turns me into a bestseller with movie deals and the lot! And I can hope for that, but I need to be prepared for failure. How long do I look? How many agents do I try? Assuming I do not find an agent or publisher, what is my next option? Self-publishing. I am lucky that I have a friend and he is starting up an indie press, but I will still have to do almost all of my publicity and sales. It'll mean getting tables at events. I'll want artists, maybe crowdfunding or online events. In the end, I want people to read and enjoy my books, even if I have to do all the legwork myself.

None of this is professional advice and I've not researched any of this. All of this is just what I've done.
The result?

I just finished the first round of edits for my second novel. Unlike the first, which I am still looking to publish, this one was finished in about 4 months. I'm currently looking for readers, but I am STOKED that I've been able to write my story in such a timeframe! Not only that, but it has inspired me for more! 

The next step is to look for agents, but I in a few months I will be start my third book. I can't wait!

Is This How We Should Judge Society?

   by: Spencer Hixon

 "U-S-A! U-S-A! We're number 1! We're number 1!"

    It's a pretty common thing to hear nowadays. Has been for decades, and I can't exactly blame people for believing that the United States is the best country in the world. Americans have made so many advances in technology and science and have controlled the flow of culture that the world would be an indistinguishable place otherwise. From literature, movies, and fashion to feats of industry, business, and medicine (and so much more), this country has made an indelible mark on nearly every life.

    But we are not without our problems.

    The United States is indeed number 1 in terms of money (1), Olympic medals (2), and military spending (3). But we are also number 1 in incarcerations AND incarceration rates (4), mass shootings in developed countries (5), guns, guns per capita (6), and school shootings (7). We appear to be a very violent people. But believe it or not, I'm not here to talk about guns.

    We have other problems, such as the 582,000 US citizens who are homeless (8), the 37.9 million US citizens who are in poverty (9), and fact that 6.7% of US citizens use illegal drugs (10). We are the most prodigious consumers of drugs in the entire world.

    But this article isn't about those things either. Then again, it is about all of them.

    When we are trying to determine how well a country is doing, perhaps the best place to look is to its foster care.

    The foster system in the US is, to put it mildly, broken (11). It's something no one seems to want to deal with. "Adopt, don't abort" is a nice sentiment, but if you do nothing to improve the adoption system then you are contributing to a host of problems in a feeble effort to deflect blame and claim some higher moral ground. Dumping kids in foster care is a terrible thing to be doing when the system seems designed to put them out on the street.

    Few people, it seems, are aware of the facts. I would like to change that a little.

• Over 50% of the homeless in the US were once fostered
• 40-50% of kids in foster care end up homeless within 18 months of aging out
• 65% of foster kids don't have a place to stay when they age out (12)
• Almost 20% of our inmates were once fostered
• 70% of foster kids who age out are arrested before they turn 26 (13)
• Foster kids are 3 times more likely to drop out of High School. Only half finish school
• Only 3-4% of fostered kids graduate from college with a 4-year degree. (14) This is in contrast to 36% of the general population
• Foster kids are 42% more likely to die than non-fostered kids (20)

    These do not equal a working foster system. What's worse, a disproportionate number of foster kids are black (15). Children of color in the fostering system wait longer to find a home than white kids do (16). They are more often abused.(17)

    So let's follow the conveyor belt of the fostering system.

    A child, through no fault of their own, ends up in foster care. In the first year, she lives in 4 different homes. (18)The child suffers abuse at the hands of their foster families and even other foster kids, but she isn't believed and nothing is done about it. Due to ever-changing family situations, neglect, or the fact that she ends up getting pregnant as a teen, she drops out of high school. After 15 or 20 homes (19), the child is too old for the foster system and is put out on the street. With no shelter, no money, no skills, no GED, and no family, she becomes homeless. In order to survive, she steals, turns to crime, turns to drugs and is subsequently arrested. Her child is born, but taken by the state due to neglect and put into the foster system. Chances are high that she will die young.

    The foster system is self-perpetuating. It is often poorly regulated. It contributes to many other problems in society. Yet we ignore the plight of these kids. Why?

    There are under 400,000 kids in our foster system right now. The government spends only about $15 billion on them, coming out to around $15,000 per foster kid per year. That is more than the US government claims makes someone poor (21) in most states. Yet that money clearly isn't being used well.

    This is a problem we can solve. It might take time, but increasing our spending on foster care, decreasing the amount of money lost by the system, adopting federal regulations, and providing housing and education for a certain number of years after aging out would do amazing things for these kids. In an ideal world, healthcare would be free for them for life, they would have a universal basic income, and a college education wouldn't cost them a dime. We obviously do not live in an ideal world.

    By this rubric, how we are handling our kids in foster care, the US is far from number 1. Yet, if we bothered to care and tried to solve this problem, it would improve the lives of every citizen and make this country stronger and better. We're the USA. We can do this.

    The catch is, do we want to?