Power Overwhelming

Hi.

My name is Spencer.

And I'm an altaholic.

What is an altaholic?  Well, it means I play video games (or at least I used to).  It means I play MMORPGs.  It means that WHEN I play an MMO, I generally make a lot of characters.

For instance, my favorite game of all time, City of Heroes (may she rest in peace), allowed me to have something like twelve characters per server, and there were some twelve or so servers (rough estimate, I can't really remember the exact numbers).  I had easily eighty characters on that game, and each one had a back story, and I played each one (some more than others). Of course, only two or three of them made it to max level. Can you guess that I'm a writer?

There's just something satisfying about being a hero and saving the day.

I play Gemstone 4, a text-based MUD (Multi-User Dimension) and have quite a few alts on that game, but it is more intense in its player interaction, and the drama at times is too much.

I've been playing Lord of the Rings Online (LoTRO), and have tried to break that trend.  I have one character I actually play, a Beorning (think "werebear").  And I like her a lot.  But I do somewhat miss the ability to just jump around from one life to another.

Sadly for all of these games, writing has taken its toll.  City of Heroes/Villains is alas no more, but I never have really replaced it.  I love GS4 and my friends in it, but it seems I have less and less time, and when I don't show up I feel guilty and then stop answering/looking at emails from friends about it.  I haven't played it in months because I've been so focused on finishing my novel.  And though friends from college are trying to get me to play LoTRO with them, the timing is terrible because of the kids.  I feel guilty asking my wife to feed, bathe, and put the kids away once or twice a month on a Saturday so I can play a game online, even though I spend most of my time with the kids and do not often get to spend time of any sort with adults.  And now my second- and third- favorite games (Starcraft and Guitar Hero/Rock Band, because let's face it, they're close enough to the same game) have come back into my life, but I feel guilty again when I try to play them during my free time, because I could/should be spending that time writing.

For me, a formerly-avid gamer, becoming a writer has been a sacrifice.  Combined with being a stay-at-home dad of two, even my hobby of brewing beer has taken a major hit.

But it's not just my hobbies.  I used to be very social, and, as I mentioned before, I now have only a few opportunities to spend time with adults. I've joined the Masons, but can only meet with them about once a month, and I'm much younger than most of them.  I have friends who come over once a week to play board games.  And I go to church with the family once a week.  But I do not have work mates.  I do not have nearly as many friends as I used to.  I do not have any family in the area except for my kids and wife.  You must remember, I'm an identical twin, so having someone with me all the time is part of how I was raised, of how I think.

This week, my wife went out of town and I had the kids.  This isn't the first time this has happened.  But it *is* the first time this has happened while both kids were able to walk/run around, to get into things, to get on each other's nerves (as well as my own).
It is exhausting.
I get up by 6:30 (and being a night owl, I'm unused to this) to get my daughter off to school on time. I spend the next hours playing with my son, who now wants to get into everything and chase the poor kitties. While he naps, I try to get some work done in finding an agent. Usually I have to hold him to get him to sleep, and if I put him down he wakes up cranky.  Lunch happens at some point, and if I need to go out, I have to do it after he wakes up. But I have to be back early to pick my daughter up from the bus. By 3, she's complaining about being hungry (even though I just gave her a snack) as I feed the baby. By 4, I've been arguing with her for an hour about getting her five minutes of homework done. Cleaning has to happen while I watch them. Normally, I get dinner started at 4:30 to 5, but luckily I was able to get a bunch of pre-made tacos this week. Still, I've had other things, like dance and making food for the Masons, that have taken up that time instead. After dinner, there's a brief period for play (and cleaning/feeding the baby more), followed by bath and bed time at 7. She's hopefully actually IN bed by 8, and I'm sitting there with over-tired baby who is fighting sleep until 9:30 (I need to work at getting a sleep schedule down for him). And then I'm dead tired and just go to bed. Of course, he often wakes up a few times at night, which can lead to hours of lost sleep.  I understand now why my wife turns in so early.  Previously, I got up at 7:30 to 8:30, when the baby woke up.  I went to bed somewhere between midnight and 2, usually because I'm writing at night.  It's amazing how much more energy it takes to care for the kids with no relief.

How do single moms do it?
I can only imagine that they have some sort of support system of friends and family that I mostly lack. Either that, or they make enough money to afford a nanny or daycare.  Because it's not like I can just choose to stay up later.  I'm exhausted at night. I'm lucky I haven't fallen asleep before the baby does.
So hats off to single moms and dads.  You are the true heroes.

Throne of Games

"A tie?  I never tie!  Count them again!"  The group of twenty-somethings watched as Reginald pushed the small colored blocks of wood around the table with his finger while mouthing words to himself.  "10 for wood… plus 7… do you have any green cards, Kate?" he asked the girl sitting across from him.

"No," she replied and continued to count up her points.

"Hey, you can't afford that Library; you don’t have the resources!" Reginald complained.

"Hey, chill out!  I get one free wood at the beginning of each turn, remember?" Kate said.  She pushed Reginald's hand away from her.  "I've got… 127."

"127," Reginald repeated in exasperation.  He pushed his thick-rimmed glasses up on his nose as he examined the game pieces, as if he could squeeze one more point out of them if he interrogated them long enough.

"Well, I guess that's that," Kate said with a grin as the four of them started packing the game into its box.

"Good game, Kate."  It was her boyfriend, Sean.  He had introduced her to his gaming friends a month before.  Now he was finding that she was a fast learner. "I almost had you that time, but I kept drawing such crap cards."

"I demand a rematch!"  Reginald stood up from the table and pointed a stubby finger at her.

Kate was taken by surprise for a moment, then stood up and smirked.  "You're on, Reg!  Any game, any time."

Reginald beamed with pride and pointed to the TV. "Right here, right now.  Virtual Combat 6."

"Really, Reg?  You own the game, it's not really fair…" Ismail had been with the group for years and had never seen Reginald lose a Virtual Combat match.

"Hey, she set the terms!"

Kate nodded.  "Alright, you're on.  Let's do this."  Her face was set with determination.  "Just promise me you won't cry when a girl beats you," she added and stuck out her tongue to tease him.

In moments, the game was set.  The two players stood in front of the TV, controllers in hand, eyes fixed on the screen.  It was a standard fighting game; first one to two victories wins the match.  As they selected their characters, Reg nudged her.

"Oh, you're going to pick Samurai Toshikawa?  I'm not surprised.  Everyone picks him.  He's easy."  Kate didn't dignify him with a response.

The screen changed to a wooded scene with their two figures facing each other.  The voice-over said, "Combat!" and it began.  The two players were focused as Ismail and Sean cheered them on from the couch.

"May the best gamer win."  Kate said.

"There is no word in Dothraki for defeat!" Reginald countered.  The fight began to the sounds of kiyaps, swords, and heavy metal music.  It wasn't long before Reginald started talking smack.  "I bet you didn't know I could do this."  His character, a tall, anime-style vampire, flew across the screen and attached itself to the samurai.  Moments later, the fight was over.  Reginald's vampire stood triumphantly over his fallen foe.

"I do now," Kate said with a sneer.  "It's not over yet, four-eyes."  The second round began.  Reginald and Kate moved and swayed as they mashed buttons.  Kate's samurai managed to evade the vampire's second lunge, then struck him in the back with a sword.  The fight ended as quickly as the first.  This time, though, Kate was doing the victory dance.

Reginald sneered and gripped his controller more tightly.  "I'll show you…" he said.  The third, and final, battle began.  It was brutal.  Every time one of them had the advantage, the other would counter.  The fighter's health bars drained away at the same rate with no clear winner in sight.  Reginald was nervously sweating.  Suddenly he swayed to the left and hit the table their last game was still set up on.  It skidded across the linoleum floor, causing a shower of tiny game pieces and custom cards to fall around the kitchen.

"Reg!" Sean said.  "That game's expensive!"  He got up to find all the pieces before they fell into a vent or under the couch.  Ismail went to join him.  In all the commotion, Kate was distracted.

"FATALITY!" the game announced.  Reginald yelled in delight.  "Yes!  Suck it, you dumb whore!  I win!  I'm still the best!  No girl could ever beat me!"

Kate was frozen with revulsion.  "What did you say?"

Everyone stopped what they were doing and looked at Reginald.  He stopped bouncing in place.  "What?" he asked.  He got no answer.  Sean and Ismail picked up the last of the pieces they could find and stuffed them in the box haphazardly.  The game's lid didn't even fit on when they were done.

"Come on, let's go somewhere else," Sean said as Kate stormed out of the apartment.  Ismail nodded.  It finally dawned on Reginald what had happened.

"W-wait!  I was kidding!  It's all in good fun, right?  Don't go!  We've still got lots of time.  I've got dessert…"  No matter how he pleaded with them, he could do nothing to deter them.  They walked out and left him behind.  "Fine!  I don't need you losers, anyway!  I'm still the best!" Reginald shouted out the door.  He slammed the door shut and walked back to the video game.  "Don't need them, anyway.  I'm better than they are."

Save Point - End Game

There was no hesitation in my heart or hand as I put the Save Point on the table in front of Maeva.

"I'm tired," I said.  Her eyes were so full of youth, energy, everything which had faded from my own long ago.

"What?  Is this why you invited me over?  Then go to bed earlier, silly."  Her lips pursed into a half-smile as she glanced down at the smooth object that sat on the kitchen table.  The low, romantic lighting made the Save Point seem somehow insignificant.

"No.  I'm tired of this.  Of secrets, of predictability.  And more than that, I'm unhappy."

The joy drained from her.  Even as I watched the hand of terror grip at her heart, I still found it remarkable how beautiful she was to me after all this time.  "What are you saying, Glenn?"  Her hand worked its way up to the side of her neck.  I'd seen that pose before.  It usually meant I would be using the Save Point soon.  But not this time.

"Mae, I'm not who you think I am.  I'm not even sure I know who I am any longer."

Her brow furrowed.  My hand reached into my pocket out of instinct, ready to load a save file, but instead my fingers wrapped around a box.  She was already picking up the device, turning it over in her hand as if it was the only thing keeping her from drowning.

"Where did all this come from?  We've been dating for a year.  How do I not know you?"

I sighed and leaned back in the chair.  I'd forgotten the old apartment, and found my attention wandering.   There were so many memories; things we'd owned together, things that defined our lives.  I noted the things that were missing which I would find so essential in the years to come.  It's funny how easily you forget.

"Glenn?"

My mind jumped back to the young, beautiful woman in front of me, and I smiled in spite of myself.  "Mae, that thing you're holding.  I stole it.  I don't even know how long ago.  It…  It lets me save a point in time, then return to it whenever I wish, in my own body, as if I'd never left it."

Her arm fell away from her neck and she rolled her eyes.  "Right.  You had me really worried there," she said and kicked me under the table gently.  "Is this some sort of game of yours?"

"In a sense.  It turns life into a game, I suppose."

"Oh?  And what sort of game is life?"  She wiggled in her seat and leaned against the table, putting her chin in her hand as she toyed with the device.  "Are you gonna tell me how I die?"

I shook my head.  "I've seen you die a hundred times, Mae.  I never got used to it."

"This game isn't fun, Glenn," she complained, her voice softening.

"No, I suppose it's not.  It's not fun when you never have any regrets, never make any mistakes.  I've grown old with you so many times, but it never felt real.  It was always just a game."

"Are you saying this, we, are just a game?" she asked as anger and pain crept into her voice.

"Not anymore.  Do you remember how you told me you didn't want someone that was perfect?"  She shook her head.  "Oh, I'm sorry.  I'd forgotten that that never happened.  Or it hasn't happened yet."

Her anger faded, and soon she was holding my hand and caressing the back of it with her thumb.  "Are you feeling ok, dear?"

"Yeah, I'm alright," I said, gripping her hand tightly.  "Mae, I've been thinking long and hard about this, and I know this is a big decision for you.  If you say no, I'll understand."

Her cheeks flushed and her breath caught in her throat.  "Y-yes?" she managed to squeak, the Save Point all but forgotten.

"I want to move to Haiti.  There's a group volunteering to build infrastructure, a school, houses…  and I'd love you to come with me."

The elation fell from Maeva like a bird hitting a reflective window.  "Haiti?"  I nodded.  "Y-you're not… proposing?" she asked me and gripped the Save Point in her fist until her knuckles turned white.

Somehow, it hadn't occurred to me that this was the night I proposed.  I pulled out the box in my pocket with a dumb-founded expression and then grinned.  "I suppose in a sense I am," I said and put the velvet box on the table.

"I… um…  Haiti?  Why Haiti?  How will we live?"

"Mae, I'm not lying about that thing you're holding.  This isn't a game or a joke.  I can't live my life like that anymore.  I've never been to Haiti, and neither have you.  I know people there need help, and I think we could help them.  It's… new.  It's risky.  It's life."

"I can't go to Haiti!  We don't speak Creole!  What if another earthquake hits?  What if we starve?  What about kids?"

Kids…  I didn't have the heart to tell her that we were never able to conceive.  "We'll manage.  I know we will."

She shook her head and pushed the jewelry box back over to me.  "Glenn, this is too much.  I can't…"

With a simple nod, I stood up and kissed her on the cheek.  "I've always loved you, but maybe I'm getting too old.  After a thousand years, perhaps I should give someone else a chance."  It wasn't the romantic farewell I'd imagined, but we'd had plenty of those before.  This was something different.  Without the Save Point, this was goodbye.

I'd made it to the airport terminal before she finally caught up to me, her high heels in one hand, the jewelry box in the other, and a smile on her countenance.  The Save Point was nowhere in sight.  She threw herself into my arms and, for the first time, I was truly happy.

Save Point - Load Game

I never imagined they'd find me.  There was no evidence, there were no witnesses.  I made sure to cut every link to me.  In fact, when I stole that Save Point, I thought it would be years before anyone realized it was missing.  I knew I was wrong when I started seeing glimpses of old coworkers at school.  It had taken months to fake my death – years if you considered how many times I used my Save Point.

After Maeva started to notice my changes, I had to use it less.  If I was perfect, she'd never go out with me; she made that abundantly clear.  At first I made a lot of mistakes on purpose.  In fact, I had formed an algorithm at that determined how much interest she showed in me versus  the number of times I used the device in a given week. Being perfectly imperfect was hard, but it was worth it.  In retrospect, I believe it was my limited use of the Save Point that led them discovering that I was still alive.

I was lost in thought as I walked to class.  This was going to be the day – the day I asked Maeva out.  But when a hand landed on my shoulder, I was startled into reality.

"What?" I asked.

"I said, long time no see, Devin.  Or should I say Glenn?"  The face next to mine was disturbingly close and held a twisted smile hostage. Her grey eyes displayed no real emotion.  "Are you enjoying yourself?" she asked.

"Catherine?"  My hand immediately went to my pocket.  I had to restart.

"Tsk.  Trying to use the Save Point already?  I thought you'd at least want to know why I'm here before resetting," she said with a roll of her eyes.  She was 5 years older than me, and it would have been a lie to say that I didn't once have a crush on her.  But that was before I met Maeva.

"Fine.  What are you doing here?  How did you find me?" I inquired, putting my hand in my pocket anyway. I just felt safer knowing the Save Point was there.

"I didn't find you.  We did.  It took a while.  We figured you'd be using the thing to avoid us, but you've been slipping, Glenn.  To be honest, I'm a bit disappointed."  She looked over me in disapproval and prodded my ribs with her finger.  I looked around at the other students making their ways to their various classes, glad that I didn't see anyone else I recognized.

"You're just here to gloat?  Cause I'm not going to let you have it back."  My finger had already begun to activate the Save Point.  All it needed now was a single tap and the world would reset to that morning.  Then I could avoid her all day.

"Not at all.  I don't want you to get hurt is all.  Did you think you stole the only prototype there was?  I've been through this conversation a hundred times already.  It always ends with you getting hurt.  And with your Save Point in my hands."

My hand paused.  "What are you saying?"

Catherine showed me her device, a Save Point that was smaller, easier to use.  On its sleek sapphire screen, she was already prepared to load a file.  "Mine will load faster than yours, every time."

It slowly dawned on me what would happen if she loaded first.  How many times had I gone through the same actions with Catherine just watching me?  How many times had I made a jerk of myself?  If we kept up like that, I know she'd eventually get the better of me, get what she was after.  "What is it you want?" I asked.

"We just want the Save Point back.  I don't want to see you get hurt again, so please, don't resist.  Besides, I'm sure you don't want that girl to know that you're a lying thief."

I walked with her away from the university crowds and down one of the many alleys that worked between the buildings.  "If yours is so much better, then why is it you want this one?  Worried I'll sell it?  Why would anyone give this power up?"  I narrowed my gaze at her accusingly, backing her against a brick wall.  She just looked away.  I could tell she was thinking up a lie.  "You don't want the device.  You want me.  You know I've got a save file from the moment I stole it, and you want it.  You need me to do something."

Catherine sneered.  "They told me you were smart," she muttered.  "Yes, we need your file.  And you're the only one it will work for."

"I'll delete the file.  Right now."  I tapped for a moment on the Save Point.  She just laughed.

"And I'll just reload to this morning again.  Devin, how's this.  If you don't agree, I will make sure you never see Maeva again."

"Maeva…" I sighed and hung my head.  "There's no way out of this, is there?"

"Now you're getting it."

"Fine.  What do you want me to do?" I asked, defeated.

"First, delete your save file from this morning.  There you go.  Now give me your Save Point.  I need to download the file into mine, then we can-"

I handed the Save Point to Catherine.  As I did, however, my fingers brushed over the surface.  When she took it, it began to whirr.

"Oh no you don't!" she said, but before she could activate her own Save Point, I slammed my body into hers.  She fell against the brick and gasped as I took the device back.  There was a bang, a searing pain, and then–

Click.

I was back at the beginning, the freshly stolen Save Point in hand.  All that time with Maeva, lost.  I sighed.  At least I knew what to expect, just as soon as I got out of this building in one piece.

Save Point - New Game

"Mmm, I love mushrooms," I said as I slid my brown plastic tray along the three steel rails at the university cafeteria, grabbing a piece of mushroom pizza.  I glanced over to the girl next to me, Maeva.  She scowled.

"Ugh.  Mushrooms are gross.  I could never eat a fungus."  She walked past me with a flick of her long red hair.  It might as well have been a middle finger in my face.

"Dammit," I muttered under my breath.  I reached into my pocket and pulled out a small round device that was mostly made up of a touch screen.  "Save Point" was printed on the back.  After a moment's fiddling, the screen prompted me.

-Load game?  Y/N-

With a smile I pressed the Y and heard the familiar high-pitched whirr while the world faded away.  Click!  When it came back, I was standing outside the cafeteria.  Maeva was just walking in.

Even seeing her for the hundredth time today, she still made my heart race.  This time, I'd make sure to get things right.

***

"Ewww.  What a waste of perfectly fine pizza.  I don't know how people can eat mushrooms," I said.  I gave her a sidewise glance to see her reaction.  A slight smile was all I got as a reward, but I'd take it.  Maeva and I made our way to the tables with full trays.  "Say, uh.. Maeva?  Mind if I sit with you?"

She shrugged.  "Sure.  It's a free country."

This was my chance.  My hand slipped into my pocket once we got situated.  By now, I knew the screen prompts on my Save Point by heart.  Just a moment later and I had a quick save.

"So have you started that assignment yet?" I asked her.

"Which one?  The term paper?  Hell no; it's not due for a month!"

"Oh, well, I was wondering if you'd like to go to the library together and study for it."

"What, you think I don't know how to study?" she said and leaned back, her arms crossed over her chest.

"Huh?  N-no!  That's not it at all!  I just thought that… aww dammit."  Whirrrr….  click!

***

"…Hell no, it's not due for a month!"

"Yeah, me neither.  Got any ideas?"

She just shrugged and started poking at her banana pudding like it was trying to escape.  We ate on in silence for a while.

"So, I was wondering, if you aren't busy, would you like to-"  I reached for my pie, but accidentally brushed my hand against my drink and poured it all over her tray.

Whirrr… click!

***

"So I was wondering, would you like to go see a movie together?" I asked.

"Sorry, I don't go to the movies," Maeva said.

Whirrr.. click!

***

"I don't like clubs."

Click!

***

"I can't dance."

Click!

***

"I can't stand bowling."

CLICK!!

***

"I'm afraid of heights."

I was at a loss.  I'd tried everything I could think of, but it seemed none of my dating sims had prepared me properly.  "Well, how about-"

"I'm busy, Devin.  Look…  Let me ask you something?"  This was new.  She leaned forward with an expression of hurtfulness in her eyes.  "What happened to you?  You used to try so hard at things; you used to have so much passion.  I remember when you tried to impress your friends by bringing your guitar to school, but you could barely get through 'Mary Had a Little Lamb.'  Even though they laughed at you, you didn't give up.  You still brought it every day.  And now, a month later, you're some kind of virtuoso?  You get all As, yet you never seem to study.  When we first met, you blushed whenever a girl even smiled at you.  Now all the girls are tripping over themselves to get to you and you don’t blink an eye.  Tell me, why is it you have time to ask me out?  I'm swamped with homework!  How can you be finished with this project already?  It was assigned a week ago."

"But I haven't-"

"I saw it on your computer yesterday when you were busy flirting with those girls in class.  It's fine if you want to flirt.  I'm a big girl, Devin.  I can do things on my own.  I don't need a guy who will wipe me off my feet and do everything for me and be so.. perfect.  I want someone who will stumble with me as we travel together.  Do you understand?  Once, for a short while, I wondered if you'd be that guy, but whatever happened to you in the last few weeks has really changed you.  You're too perfect."

I was stunned.  I let the Save Point go and slipped my hand from my pocket to the table.  "I didn't know you felt that way, Mae."

"You never asked."  She went back to eating.

When she finished, I stood up and offered to take her tray.  "I'm sorry I upset you.  I only wanted to impress you," I told her.

"If you still want to impress me, then try to get to know me.  I feel like you're just trying to… find some cheat codes to my heart or something.  It's gonna take more than that.  Let me get to know the real you.  I want to see my blushing Devin again, not this ladykiller.  Awww, see?  There's a blush!"

I gave her an awkward smile and walked with her towards the exit to the cafeteria, putting the trays down on the rack.  "I guess I'll see you in class tomorrow, then?" I asked her.

"Yeah, see you tomorrow, Devin."  We waved and I watched her go off to her next class. I fumbled with the Save Point in my pocket.  Had it killed my passion?  Was it cheating at life?  If I kept using it, would she notice?  When I pulled it from my pocket to power it down, the screen flashed into life.

-New Game? Y/N-

Three in the Morning

Like a panther, I slink my two-hundred fifty pounds of taut, well-toned cellulose along the dark hallway.  Even the slightest noise may rouse suspicion and lead to my untimely demise.  My wife is, after all, a light sleeper.  She was expecting me home from the bar hours ago, but I couldn't call her and tell her I'd be late; I left my cell phone at home.  Of course, John's phone was dead, and the last time I saw a pay phone it was on display at a New York art museum.  So all that's left for me is to spend 15 minutes creeping past dusty memories hanging on the wall towards my goal: the door.

            BONG.  BONG.  BONG.

            I nearly jump out of my skin as the tell-tale grandfather clock on the other end of the hallway lets the world know just how late I am getting home.  A brief pause at the door gives me time to take a deep, silent breath and calm my nerves before turning the handle.  I have to be patient, to take my time, perhaps even hours.  A gentle push, hardly more than a nudge, really, and the door gradually opens to the blackness beyond.

Creeeeaaaak!

Oh God, that door needs oil.  I wait, poised, listening for any movement.  All I can hear is my own heart pounding in my chest.  Then I move.  Every step must be carefully placed.  First the toes.  Test the ground.  Press.  Press harder.  Shift my weight.  Creak!  I duck, but no blow comes.  The next step.  Creak.  Creak.  Creak.  Lord, even the curtains are creaking.  Now if only I can slip into bed, I'll be home free.  I can just claim I'd been there since-

"And where have you been?"  The light flicks on.  My wife is sitting up, arms crossed.

Caught in headlights.  "I, uh…  I was at the bar.  John was there.  I meant to call-"

"Sure you were.  You know it closed an hour ago," she says.

"Is it really that late?  I guess we lost track of time talking."  I have to act nonchalant, like nothing's wrong.  I pull off my shirt and pants and crawl into bed beside my wife.

"Remember, we have to get up for church tomorrow," she says and leans over to kiss me.  Instead, she sniffs my breath.  "At the bar, huh?  You don't smell like you've been drinking."

"What?  Well, I stopped early.  I mean, I had to drive home."

"And if I call the bar, they'll say you were there, right?"

"Uh, sure, I guess they will."

That look.  She knows something's up.  "Then how did you pay for it if you left you wallet here?"  It's a trap!  She pulls my wallet out from her cleavage.  How long did she have it in there?

"My wallet?" I ask, patting my side as if I still had on pants, despite that fact that it's right there in front of me.  Crap.  "I didn't.  Well, I… I ran into an old friend the other day.  Sharon, that girl I dated in college.  I was at her place."

"Sharon?  You don't expect me to believe that, do you?  You were at John's place, weren't you?  You were having a LAN party again."

"No!  Of course not!"

"It's written all over your face.  You were playing that Diablo game again, weren't you?"

"Why do you say that?"

"Because you brought your laptop."

"No, I, I was having a torrid affair with Sharon."

"Oh please.  No lipstick, no perfume…  is that Cheeto powder on your cheek?  You know I'm going to have to confiscate your laptop for a week," she says.

"Why?"

"Because you lied to me.  And we're still going to church."

I heave a defiant sigh and lay down.  The light turns off.  "At least I don't spend hours on Candy Crush."

"Want me to withdraw sex, too?"

"No dear."

(Audio pt 1, Audio pt 2)

Gamer attitudes

As an ex-gamer, I have experienced a very wide range of attitudes coming from fellow gamers.

Now, the predominant attitudes that board gamers display are friendliness, competitive concentration, and hubris.  These are not bad things. In fact, chess has been used to help people learn how to attain a deeply focused mindset.  As I stated earlier, social games (that involve face-to-face interaction) are a great way to make friends!

Online gaming is a different beast altogether.  There are friendly online gamers, there are rude ones, there are old ones, there are young ones.  Some online games tend to draw a certain type of gamer, let's call them the douchebag (warning: language).  Usually these are action games, something where violence is inherently part of the game.  The more "hardcore" the game, the nastier the gamers can get.  Their anonymity gives them a sense of empowerment and immunity to social norms.  They feel they are entitled to be better, and that if they fail it is not their fault.  I will admit, I have fallen for this a few times in the past.  In fact, I stopped playing some games because they made me too angry.  But something I never have and never will do is turn around and insult my fellow gamers.  "Griefing," profanity, and pejorative language have always been a major issue on the XBox, for instance, which tends to have a higher percentage of these kinds of games than other consoles.  But don't get me wrong, it is present on every game system.  The best things to do when you find someone like this is to report them, ignore them, and then move to a new server/game.  Don't stoop to their level.

There is also a sense of entitlement in MMOs.  Griefing (doing whatever you can to annoy another player, from cursing at them to blocking their way to killing lower level characters to cheating/hacking) has had a rich history in just about every MMO out there.  There are some exceptions.  In general, the older the audience, the fewer douchebags there are.  Lord of the Rings Online has a fairly mature audience and a very low level of griefing.  Games themselves often try to reduce griefers through regulations and updates or reduce the ways in which they can grief.  For instance, if you have been in an epic battle with a major boss, and then I run in at the last second and deal a few blows, some games would award all of the experience points to the person who dealt the final blow (called kill-stealing).  But this is largely a thing of the past.  LotRo awards experience points to the party that attacked first.  City of Heroes used to award points to everyone who helped bring it down.  It is, after all, about cooperation and not competition.

Something I have noticed, however, is that the kind of game makes a difference.  City of Heroes was a very special game.  It became family-oriented (many times I fought alongside kids as young as 6).  The purpose was to stop the obvious bad guys, so those who played it often wanted to BE heroes.  There were zones designated for cooperative play between Heroes and Villains, and zones designated as PvP (player versus player) zones. which were very carefully regulated.  One of my fondest memories was of my brute (a villain) meeting a tank (hero) in a PvP zone and, after a prolonged fight, decided we would rather talk character creation and the like than just duke it out.  If you ran into someone griefing or abusing the game in some way, the devs arrived promptly and took care of the situation.  There were a few cases of griefing, particularly in the beginning, but the community started to change and soon became just that, a community.  Players would spend hours in the Pocket Zone (a dance club) roleplaying and talking and having fun.  Forums were very active.  People helped each other all the time.  We never let things get boring.  Player -generated content was strong and had big names contributing.  Games where actual roleplaying takes place tend to be friendlier.

Now, City of Heroes is dead.  NCSoft decided that it would make more money killing the game (I believe they needed to do it for a tax break) than keeping it up and running (and it was a lucrative game that had just announced a new major update).  They didn't tell their employees until the day they announced it to the world, and did so by handing them pink slips.  They lied about "exhausting" all their opportunities to sell the game (it was discovered that many people state-side wanted to buy it, had the money, made offers, and were outright rejected without any discourse).  They told players to try their new game, Blade and Soul (rated M for Mature due to graphic violence and gratuitous T&A).  They ignored their audience, and as such have taken a HUGE hit to their bottom line.  Whenever I see an ad for an NCSoft game before a movie, I stand up in the theater and decry their poor business practices.  City of Heroes/Villains isn't the only game they have purchased and then killed to the sounds of angry player protests.  But all is not lost.

The Phoenix Project came out of the ashes of City of Heroes and decided to start designing a game for the community, a "spiritual successor" to City of Heroes.  The more time they have to work on the game, the better they get at it and the more details emerge.  It is not run by a massive corporation, but rather fans and volunteers.  This game, City of Titans, is starting to look promising.  They have, in fact, begun a Kickstarter campaign to fund the project, and it is wildly successful. As of this writing, it has 27 days to go and has already raised $311,000+ from over 2,000 backers.  Its goal is just 320k.  This is a game I would like to get behind.  I just don't know if I have the time.

Ex-gamer

A long, long time ago, I was a gamer.

I was not a video gamer, or a hardcore gamer, or an import gamer.  I was a gamer.

I played board games of all sorts (with a particular love of German-style board games).  I played video games (role-playing games, first-person shooters, platformers, RTS games, turn-based strategy games, action games, fighting games, stealth games, massive multiplayer online RPGS, puzzle games, music and dancing games, arcade games).  I played collectible card games.  I played strategy games.  I played table-top role playing games.  I played word games.  Party games.  Card games.  Dice games.  Story games.  All games.

I love games, and for many reasons.  They can keep your mind and reflexes sharp.  They can teach you etiquette, the value of losing, how to be a gracious winner.  They can actually help you succeed.  Learning a new game can be stimulating, fun, and challenging.  There is something to be sad about the thrill of a hard-won victory.  But what I love the most about games is the socialization.  I've made great friends over a game of Catan and learned more about my friends through a card game than I ever would have learned otherwise.  We would develop inside jokes all around different games that we love.

This is, however, mostly in the past.  I just have to admit it.  After the move, I don't have time to play games, and I haven't been able to find people to play with.  I have to focus on writing in my sparse free-time.  Part of me is very sad to realize this.  Knowing when to put things aside is part of being an adult, and putting my kid's needs and wants before my own is part of being a parent.  But I feel that part of who I am is being suppressed.

I am an avid ex-gamer.  I still keep up with what is going on in the gaming world, but I keep my distance.  I know that I do not have the time or money to spend on games, even games I would not only love to play, but to work for.  I browse the game section of stores and go into game parlors.  There are a few games I will hopefully still be able to play once in a while, but for the most part, this is something, like anime and slap bracelets, in my past.  Perhaps when Addy is older I will show her how to play Carcassonne or Agricola.

Or, perhaps, I will be able to find friends here by looking for other gamers.  I'll never be as prodigious as I once was, but that's alright.  To me, writing is like a game of solitaire, so a few social games once in a while would be a good way to balance things out.  I am realizing that time is a precious commodity that you never have enough of, so I need to be picky about how I use my free time.  All I can really do is learn to roll with the punches life sends my way.

Distractions

So I certainly have my share of distractions that keep me from writing.  I have quite a few video games I would love to play, such as Guitar Hero/Rock Band, the Uncharted games, Batman Arkham games, Might and Magic, Portal 2, a decent variety of Blizzard games, and a choice of Final Fantasy games.  But, for the most part, these have been on the back burner for quite a long time.

I have a variety of board/card games I love to play (and more I would love to own) such as Settlers of Catan, Race for the Galaxy, SmallWorld, Agricola, and San Juan.  You could also put strategy games into this category, things like Chess, Blokus, and Tara.  But I don't get to play these very often, because Addy is too young, Amy isn't interested, and my friends are all, like myself, adults with busy schedules.

I've also been trying to get back into roleplaying.  I have done my fair share of online roleplaying, but it is either entirely too addictive or takes entirely too long.  My friends play a weekly D&D game, but they live many states away so I have to webcam in... and D&D is not really my thing.  I'm much more into Champions, possibly the most versatile roleplaying game out there.  But I don't know enough people nearby who are interested, and I don't want to GM.  So my sister is starting one up, but it keeps getting pushed back and I find this very disheartening.  I do, however, spend some of my time writing up characters for the campaign.  Who knows, I may end up running a game myself as the GM and keep these write-ups for my campaign.

Of course, games are not my only, or even my biggest, distraction.  By far the biggest is Adelaide.  But she's a special case.  I have a daily dose of webcomics, and I'm sure that if I cut them down I can actually save a bit of time.  But what can I say, I love webcomics!  I will likely post a few reviews on here before too long.  Maybe for games, too.

Music can, at times, be a diversion as well.  I am a guitarist and sometimes play music for a co-op group we have.  I also play at a family worship night every other week, and I work on classical guitar pieces in my free time... of which there isn't much.  It's hard to practice when Addy is awake, and I don't want to wake her if she is asleep.

This blog has actually become a bit of a distraction.  Or, more precisely, the readership has.  I like looking at my stats to see how many people read it, where they hail from, and what I can do to increase my readership.  Though I rarely get comments, I am getting between 30 and 50 people reading when I post.  And for some reason, many are in Germany.  So, here's a shout out to my German readers!  Now, I know an audience of 50 is not much, but it's a start, right?  And that's 50 people who may actually purchase my novel when it is completed!  Who knows, I might actually make enough money to make writing the thing worth it.  :)  One of my professors told me that as writers in today's world, where the publishing industry is in constant threat of going belly-up because it can't seem to adapt to technology, we have to learn to promote ourselves.  Publishers are increasingly leaving their authors out in the cold to do their own promotion anyway, which more or less defeats the purpose of having one.  So, if I am to self-publish (which is no longer a taboo), I need to learn how to get an audience.

Now, if only I could keep the non-productive and non-essential distractions to a minimum...

Procrastination Station

Sorry about the lacuna in my blog. I will be posting more regularly now.

Yes, I'll admit it, I'm procrastinating again. But I won't be for much longer.

I took a job on VWorker.com. It seems like I'll be writing a school paper for someone, but I have no evidence and I want to be paid. Plus, it's relatively interesting. As far as I know, I'm writing content for a website. Content that needs a bibliography. It's due Thursday - I plan to finish by Wednesday.

This week is marking the beginning of a new chapter for me. I am going to start taking my goals much more seriously now. I tried to get all the gaming out of my system last week, and I'm not sure how successful I was. I have been playing Final Fantasy 12 for several months now and I am, I hope, close to the end. I was trying to finish it, but failed. Instead, I had to go through this 99-floor dungeon-crawl that took FAR too much time and patience, even after I gave up trying to solve the puzzles for extra hidden goodies. For the first time in that game, I was NOT blissfully entertained. Instead, I felt like hurdling the controller into my TV set in the hopes that it would somehow break the barrier of reality and hit one of the main characters in the head. Or preferably the writer who came up with that atrocious dungeon.


I also tried Final Fantasy 13. I am, as of yet, unimpressed. I heard that it was linear for the first 30 or 60 hours or so, but I didn't know they meant that the only path you can even WALK is a straight line. On top of that, you can, so far, only improve your characters along a straight path as well. But, I can forgive that. What I cannot forgive is the below-par story-telling. Not only have they failed to make me empathize in any way with the characters (some of whom are far too stereotyped), but they have done a piss-poor job of relaying the backstory. The only reason I know what is going on is because the game randomly adds "datalogue" entries with pages of text to read about the plot. And it constantly updates items in the menu, so there's always something "new" even when there isn't. I may give it a second chance... later. I've played over a dozen games in the Final Fantasy series and this one has quickly dropped to the bottom of the list.

I also spent time on Saturday at a local Oktoberfest, but I was a bit disappointed. I was hoping for scads of German fare, German beer, German music, German goods, and German dancing. I got the music and the dancing, and only a little of the food. The rest might as well have been a local craft fair. I'm sorry, but buffalo wings, pan pipes, centrifuges, gyros, and Bud Light have no business at a proper Oktoberfest.
What I did find, however, was the dirtiest port-a-potty I have ever laid eyes on. It was... a thing of putrid winsomeness. The squeamish should skip to the next paragraph. The outside of this yellow stall was normal, unassuming. It was, unfortunately, the only one available. The moment I stepped inside, I was treated to work akin to Van Gogh. I did not know feces could be such an effective medium. It was smeared on the walls, the toilet paper dispenser, the toilet paper, the seat, the ceiling, the floor... and it was signed with the artist's own hand print. I made certain not to touch any surface in that oubliette of ordure. I wish I could not make out some of the items the producer of that stall stool had eaten to produce the slurry of sludge.

There, that wasn't so bad, was it? What, you lost your lunch? Well, I did warn you... So, everything said and done, I do not think I will be returning to that Oktoberfest. If Greenville has one, perhaps I'll check it out, but I haven't heard anything.

Alright, perhaps I have procrastinated long enough. I am now off to write a rough draft about satellites. I will, tonight, be writing more of my web comic and attempting to get the long-awaited Chapter 9 of How to Be a Thief up. Oh, and I have an idea for another story I would like to start. I am thinking this time I will begin a blog dedicated entirely to this story. And perhaps I will try to develop a community. An artist or two would be fantastic, as would forums, fans, and ads. I will let you know when things get started.