The Toll of Writing Death

Dear readers, writers, and fans,

As may of you know, I have a prelaunch page for my second book up on Kickstarter right now.

Because of this, I've been trying to polish the manuscript up. Because I cannot help myself, I have done this while waiting for my editor, which just means more work for me. Yay, self!

She did give me one comment, however, that had me realize a few flaws and ended up in me rewriting the entire opening (4 chapters and then some). Don't worry, I've sent them to her. This meant that I had to go through the entire thing looking for anything inconsistent with the new opening, so I decided that while I was doing that, I might as well read it out loud to myself.

If you are a writer, you are doing yourself a major disservice if you aren't reading your works out loud at least once during your revising/editing process. It's incredible the things you miss until you actually physically hear it. Also, step away from it and work on something else for a while. It helps.

Once I'm done, I will get to work on a book tour and getting images, add-ons, rewards, etc. for the Kickstarter campaign. Expect it to launch in October.

It made me want to make a post about the use of present tense words in past tense passages (yes, you absolutely can do this). But that will (maybe) be later.

What I wanted to briefly address with this post is the emotions writing can evoke, and nothing evokes emotions as much as death scenes. (And no, it's not a spoiler. It's page 1.) I'll get to that.

Have you, as a writer, ever noticed that certain scenes are just hard to write emotionally, like you can't bring yourself to put your character through what you have planned for them? Not only that, but writing your character making a mistake, doing something stupid, makes me want to yell at them as I'm writing them doing it!

I have one scene in particular that is based on an event that actually happened to me (you'll have to guess). Every time I write it, my heart rate picks up and I feel my face and ears flushing. The funny thing is, though, that I'm not thinking about what actually happened to me when I'm writing it. The fact that it happened to me just makes it that much easier to step into my main character's shoes and see it better through his eyes. It feels a bit like method acting, but for novelists.

Torturing my characters in some way is almost a pastime for me. Yet, I feel the pain they are going through. And, conversely, I feel the vitriol in the villain doing the torturing, the sadistic glee. It's a rollercoaster.

I've written a few death scenes before. Sometimes they are easier because of the length (death can be sudden and unexpected), but longer ones are harder to get just right because you want to do the characters justice. What are the perfect last words (and are they even completely spoken)? Is something in this scene metaphorical? If it's referenced later, I have to make certain every reference to it is accurate (from the recalling character's POV). And, regardless of the length, every important character's death should have echoes throughout the rest of the book. Otherwise, it's just death for death's sake, and that's poor writing (you know who you are).

But sometimes writing a death scene takes an emotional toll on me. I have one in particular that I have a hard time reading out loud because it makes me choke up. You'd think that I, as the writer, who authored their death, who has gone through the scene a dozen times at least, and who could change things at any time, would get over it at some point, right? Well, it hasn't happened yet. Perhaps this is because I love almost all of my characters in some way. I tear up when editing it. I wrote the damn thing, but sometimes it feels like the character's last words didn't come from me but were meant for me.

Writing is weird. Weird and wonderful.

It's also cathartic. Therapeutic. This is why people analyze stories (please analyze mine). Sure, the author didn't INTEND anything by making the wallpaper yellow... but what patterns do you see in the story's colors that reveal something the author didn't realize they put in there, something subconscious? I find patterns all the time in my own writing that look awesome and genius and were entirely unscripted. Does it mean something that the character who embodies ADHD originally died, but now gets revived? Does that mean I have come to terms with and am working with my ADHD instead of fighting it? Maybe. Are there parallels between my character's death and my father's? Good question.

Like, seriously good question. I'll need to think about it for a bit.

This is why I think everyone should write. That doesn't mean anyone else should ever see what you wrote (and, in fact, most people shouldn't let others see it except possibly their therapists). But it can draw out difficult emotions, help you work through things, give you a safe place to release, stoke your creativity AND analytical thinking.

I now get back to it. I still have so very much to learn about so many things surrounding this craft.

Satisfying Sounds in Audacity

I've been working rather hard on this audiobook.

Part of the problem is that I apparently make a lot of "mouth sounds." But I am also running into things like a purring cat, strange vibrations, and mispronunciations.

Now, mouth sounds are supposed to be easy to fix. My mouth sounds are not. I get the normal clicks that a "declicker" can catch, sure, but it doesn't get them all. I also get wet smacking sounds and guttural sounds that aren't so easy to fix. 

Yet, I keep learning more about Audacity and either discovering or inventing new tricks to deal with them. Only a few have been able to get through.

A caveat: I am NOT an expert. I watched some of the experts. I am unwilling to spend an hour on less than 5 minutes of audio.

Here are some of the things I do.

Most of the mouth sounds are not actually during words. They're between words, right before or after a word. So if i copy a section of room silence (just record the empty room—you need this at the start and end of files anyway) and then paste it in place of the section between words (no matter HOW small), you'll take care of 90% of the sounds.

There's actually an easier trick I figured out on my own. There's something called a "low-pass filter." All this means is it turns the volume down (or off) on anything above a certain hertz (i.e. higher "notes") and lets the lower ones pass through. If I put the filter on to catch anything about, say, 150 Hz, and I use that only on the parts where I'm not speaking, it neatly eliminates almost every unwanted sound. What makes this easier is that I can then type ctrl-r and repeat it. No deleting for length is needed and if the room sound changes a little, it sounds much more natural.

But sometimes a sound is RIGHT where I'm talking. Chances are, if I do the trick above to either side of the word, my voice drowns out the rest and you can't hear it. And if it's short enough, and I zoom in far enough (and use "z" so it doesn't make artifacts), just deleting that section can usually remove the sound without really affecting my voice. But there are other things to do.

Audacity's "spectral" tools are neat and can be useful, or they can be useless. By right-clicking on the y-axis, I can change the view to "spectrum." This shows where the sounds are in hertz. Then I select the offending part and work up and down the word using "spectral delete" to figure out just WHERE that little bugger is hiding (if it isn't obvious). Once I find it, I undo everything and then use "spectral multi tool" on it. That often hides the sound without disturbing my voice too much. But this only works maybe 30% of the time. For instance, in the case of my purring cat, her purr is at the same hertz as the bulk of my voice, so anything I do to her purr affects my voice as well.

This is where I look for the "noise gate." The noise gate works kinda like the low- or high-pass filter, except instead of blocking a range of notes, it blocks a range of volume. Since her purr is a lot quieter than my voice, I play around with the settings until it blocks out her but doesn't affect me. Voila!

What if i can't find the sound on the spectrum and a filter would kill too much of the sound? Equalizer! Audacity has a variety of them. the graphic equalizer lets you turn up and down different frequency ranges. They say most unwanted sounds are in the 8k+ range, but a lot of mine are close to 3 or 4. Turning down a band or two for a short section usually doesn't affect my voice enough to be noticed by someone just listening to the book, and if it doesn't outright kill the sound, it can turn it down enough that it gets ignored. "Preview" is really good for this. I use it all the time.

If there's a short sound (like a click) that the declicker didn't get, but it's during part of a word where I simply can't mess around with my voice at all (like a "d"), or if I want to do things "the right way," I can use "repair." Right-click on the y-axis and change the view from amp to dB. Then zoom zoom zoom in. Find the offending section. Select just it or part of it (the tool can only fix really small areas) and use repair until it's all gone. When it works, it is freaking awesome. But so far, it is very hit or miss.

If you're having trouble finding just WHERE a sound is, I have a way. When you push play, the end of a selected section is often left off, but the beginning is always precise. So place the cursor before the sound and push play until you hear it. Then pause. Move the cursor further down and try it again. Keep doing that until you hit a section where you don't hear the sound and you know it is just before that part. Granted, there's often a clicky sound when you push play in the middle of the word, so you have to learn to tune that out.

Of course, there's another awesome way to get rid of an errant sound. I was having trouble with a strange vibration that went throughout an "s." It was a broad enough spectrum that if I removed it using the spectrum tools, my voice would sound like I was in a tin can. It was the same volume as my voice. It wasn't small, so repair wouldn't work. I was at a loss! So... I found another place where I used an "s" and copied it, then pasted that over the offending "s." Lo and behold, I couldn't tell I'd done anything and the vibration was gone. I've been able to use that trick for many letters and even entire words, but I have to be careful because the tone and volume of my voice might change between the original and the new sections. I ALWAYS play it back to make sure it sounds smooth.

What if I realize I left off a bit of a word (like a "d" or "s")? Copy paste from another! But that doesn't work for everything. Sometimes, I slur my words together. I rush. Rushing is bad. "Hehad toooze" instead of "He had to ooze" (don't judge me, it's an example) sounds awful. I have a couple options.

The first is to take some (TINY bit) of the room noise and paste it between the words. However, that will sound terrible. So I use "fade out" and "fade in" on the ends of the two words. Often, that is enough to make it sound like a natural flow. 

The second is a bit harder but sounds even better. Find where the two words should separate. Then make a divot between them. Turning down the volume a little and in increments can work but is time consuming and doesn't sound the best. There's a way to do it with one of the fade tools, but I haven't figured it all out yet (I believe it uses "adjustable fade"). But there's a cheat. I add room noise between the two words, then I fade either end like before. But instead of leaving some of the room noise there, I actually select the very tips of the two sections and delete them WITH the room noise. I gotta use "z" and I need to make sure both parts are at the same volume level (zoom in a lot), but what I end up with is a smooth divot between the words. It's enough that you'll easily differentiate the two words while listening to the book.

Hopefully this will help someone who is in a similar situation.

Paying the Piper

So I've done it.

I pulled the trigger.

I finished removing passive voice from my story and have inquired 7 editors for quotes.

I got 5 of them back.

Now I am sad.  One of the problems with starting out on a venture is you have no idea what a good ballpark figure for expenses is.

I was told by some that they have good editors who will look at work for $200. The last time I got a quote from an editor (nearly 10 years ago), it was around $500. These professional editors, however, are looking more like $1,500 - $2,000 for my 100k novel. 

This starts to become an issue in terms of pricing.  I do not want to take a massive loss on my first book (well, more than I have already but I will explain later). I have a publisher lined up who will charge $7 per copy, pretty much wholesale.

Let's assume I sell this book at $15.

I have to include any money I spend on advertising and other costs. So let's say in the end I have about $5 profit.

I will need to sell 300-400 copies of my book to break even from the editing alone.

Ouch.  For a first book from an unknown author, that is ouch.

On top of that, there's the cost I haven't included...

my own worth.

I have to take into consideration what my time is worth and how long it took to write the book. It's a $/hr thing.

Granted, my first book took a while, but my second took much, much less time. As I continue down this road, the time will likely decrease which will increase my $/hr. 

I eagerly await the estimates of the final two editors, and I will continue my search. There may yet be a decent editor out there who will charge a lot less.

But at least one good thing came out of it. One of the editors, whose specialty is my genre, said the sample I gave her was entertaining. That's got to count for something.

Impatient

 Am I impatient?

Yes.  Yes I am.

We all are, aren't we? We all want that instant gratification that modern technology promises, that we've all grown accustomed to. But while looking for a literary agent, instant gratification is just not happening.

All that I've learned says that I need to take the time to gain exposure in the community.

I've won Daily Deviation from DeviantArt 3 times, but I doubt agents care too much about that.

I used to write flashfic every Friday, but it means nothing if it's not published in a magazine.

I disliked Twitter before it was purchased on a whim and run to the ground by a puerile, spoiled manchild. Now I hate it. I hate that it's gradually turning into an extremist echo-chamber. I hate that everyone in the industry uses it so much.

I tried to be involved locally, but COVID shot that down.

The Board Game Rundown is growing and I love it, I'm excited for it. But it's not exactly a writing forum. I've also been absent from the discord. It's not that I'm not interested, I just have so much to do and don't know what to say.

So my dilemma is, do I start getting myself out there now while I look for agents, or do I wait to look for agents until I've gained some exposure?

I am impatient. So I will attempt the former. But I'm going into this guns blazing. Twitter, yes. Short stories for magazines, yes. Articles for BGR, yes. I might even check out Goodreads. And this blog? I used to have a readership, now I must build it from the ground up all over again. At one point I was writing a story one chapter at a time here. I think I might start that up again.  Then there is HixonArt. My twin brother is a rather good digital animator, but he is never satisfied with the stories he comes up with. He has asked me to write some for him, and we've already started. We are both happy with what we've come up with, and I cannot wait to see it transition into reality!

The most likely reason I feel impatient, other than the fact that it's taken so long to get things in order, is that I am close. Those last 100 yards to the finish line can feel like a mile.

Hitting My Stride

 

I'm terrible at making good posts. I don't use pictures because I don't feel I should be bothered. I rarely edit them. And so far, posting has been few and far between as it is.

It's been like that for A LOT of things in my life.

There was a point where my basement was torn up and basically unusable, I'm forced to deal with a child with encopresis (look it up) which included a hospital visit, my father was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, I was spending time going to my sister's house hundreds of miles away to prepare a house for my mother who will be *very* ungrateful for all the work we've done, I was busy with the freemasons, the house was a disaster...   The list of things goes on and on and on. Truly, I could continue for paragraphs about how insane things have been. This is just scratching the surface.

A lot of that was due to COVID. It really messed things up, physically, psychologically, etc.

So I decided enough was enough. I was 40! And I've accomplished none of my goals!

At some point in the last 2 years, I became fed up with incompetence. I decided I would no longer coddle those who did an unsatisfactory job. This, however, included myself! Nay, it was mostly about myself. So I started taking steps to improve my life.

Step 1: Get my ADHD under control. 

I've had it since I was a kid, but I'd never properly educated myself about it. So I did. It was eye-opening to finally connect certain behaviors and understand what was really going on. If you want to know more, check out my article about it on the Game Talk Network. One of the things I learned, though, is that ADHD is highly treatable, and it had been ages since I took medicine for it. So I went to my doctor and we tried out a few until we found a medicine and dose that works for me.

Step 2: Get my depression under control. 

While dealing with ADHD, my doctor realized I was also suffering from depression, and had been for quite a while. This did involve medicine as well, but it also involved finding a therapist. The first one was not a good fit for me. We got into political arguments and she offered no insight or help. The second, though, is a very good fit and I like her a lot. It helps to have her break things down, even just to have someone to talk to about things.

Step 3: Get in shape.

I've always been an active person, but my relationship with gyms has been on again, off again. Part of the problem is that I have NO IDEA what I am doing at the gym. This is where not putting up with incompetence comes into play. I hired a personal trainer. He knows about general fitness, as well as strength-building, stamina, agility... This summer will mark 1 year with a personal trainer. I've gone from doing 0 pull-ups in my entire life to being able to do over 12 in a row. I have gained strength, I look better, and my knees hurt a lot less.  Oh, did I not mention that I have arthritis? Pretty severe arthritis, in fact. I could barely climb stairs. Last week, I used a single leg to slowly sit and stand, 3 times each leg. There are other benefits. Being fit improves your focus, your confidence, your mental acuity, and your immune system. 

Step 4: Stop pretending I am what I'm not.

I'm not a plumber. I've never laid tile. I have no idea how to do electrical. I have no interest in learning these things, either, yet I've been youtubing it for years. No more! I hired someone to take care of my floor. I will hire someone to get rid of our ridiculous amount of dead leaves (we are literally in a forest of massive trees). I may even end up hiring a maid to help keep this house clean. These are things we can afford, and they will free up SO MUCH TIME AND STRESS. Yes, they can get expensive, but it is worth it for me.

Step 5: Get back my time.

One of the biggest problems I've had is not spending my time wisely. I roleplay online, play video games, watch tv and movies... being a gamer/geek takes a lot of time. Well I have almost stopped with video games altogether, TV and movies have been cut down drastically. I spend the time, instead, writing. To me, it is actually more entertaining and fulfilling to be able to work towards my goals and write my own story than watch someone else's story. Facebook and the like can get dangerous, so I must be cognizant of how much time I spend on social media. Online roleplaying has been cut down, but at times I feel guilty for abandoning my online friends. It will likely always be a balancing act there, one I'm bad at.

Step 6: Get my house in order.

This is the one I am currently stuck on. But because of all the other things I've done, it has been easier. I put in a system to help with dishes - and often this means paper plates. I was tired of my dishwasher never getting things cleaned, so I got a new one. We've replaced curtains we've hated since we moved in. We took off the terrible wallpaper in the office and painted it. Things are slowly getting cleaner and the house is gradually becoming "ours". But it is still a work in progress.

Step 7: Return to hobbies and prioritize them.

I am a creative person, not just in writing. I've had goals and hobbies that have fallen by the wayside. So I'm reigniting the passion. I'm trying new ones. I'm drawing, building models, playing guitar... and there are so many that I cannot do them all! So I need to prioritize, give them the time they need and give more time to those which are more important. My therapist says that this is actually quite important for my mental health, and I have to agree. Since I've picked up guitar again, I've been calmer and I get excited at the prospect of getting to play. Instead of watching TV, I'll transcribe a song by ear. I have plans for videoing and voice acting as well. It will mean improving my time management.

Step 8: Reconnect with my wife.

This is another one we are working on. Don't get me wrong - we're not in trouble or anything. We love each other and are loyal and happy. But a couple's therapist can help even strong couples, and we were hoping to get one. Time has been an issue (if you think I'm busy, I've got nothing on my wife!). We've been working to implement regular date nights. The last thing I want is to lose touch and for us to drift apart. Recent events have led me to appreciate her more. I'm hopeful that this all will lead to an even better relationship with her.

Step 9: Act like a professional.

Here's a tough one. I want to be an author with all my heart! But that means I will have to act like one. This means I need to start gaining an audience, to improve my social media presence, to spend real time looking for agents, to plan when to write, when to handle the other half of being an author, and when to handle the rest of life. I will keep doing what I can to work towards being a true professional, keep learning and finding tools to help.

Step 10: Adjust expectations.

No one wants to hear this! We all want to get what we want in all its glory without any compromises. I want to be picked up by an amazing, talented agent who gets my book into big stores and turns me into a bestseller with movie deals and the lot! And I can hope for that, but I need to be prepared for failure. How long do I look? How many agents do I try? Assuming I do not find an agent or publisher, what is my next option? Self-publishing. I am lucky that I have a friend and he is starting up an indie press, but I will still have to do almost all of my publicity and sales. It'll mean getting tables at events. I'll want artists, maybe crowdfunding or online events. In the end, I want people to read and enjoy my books, even if I have to do all the legwork myself.

None of this is professional advice and I've not researched any of this. All of this is just what I've done.
The result?

I just finished the first round of edits for my second novel. Unlike the first, which I am still looking to publish, this one was finished in about 4 months. I'm currently looking for readers, but I am STOKED that I've been able to write my story in such a timeframe! Not only that, but it has inspired me for more! 

The next step is to look for agents, but I in a few months I will be start my third book. I can't wait!

I HAVE RETURNED and why?

 Yet again I am coming back to you, oh reader and a half, from a long sabbatical.

Yes, I still live.

Allow me to break down my life into easily-digested pieces for you.

Since COVID-19 first closed the world down in March of 2020, my mind has gone haywire. You wouldn't necessarily know it if you just saw me or talked to me; it was in my coping mechanisms.

I have ADHD, a mild-to-moderate case of it. I also have been suffering from depression for quite some time. It is, indeed, rather common for the second to be present with the first. If you have these conditions, you may understand what I've been going through. If not, I will try to explain.

ADHD is not just hyperactivity and SQUIRREL!!  all the time. It has been described as an "executive function" disorder. Executive functioning is that little part of your brain that in most people takes files from your mental "things that need to get done" folder and moves it over into "processing." It is easier to explain its role by showing what happens when you don't have it.

I know *exactly* what to do in order to fix the door handle that broke. It's super-easy. I have the parts. The instructions are right there. It will take me about 5 minutes, using 2 screws that are already provided in the kit.  But I just. Don't. Do it.  I'm not LAZY. I'm not DISTRACTED. It is just much harder for me to get the impetus that gets me started on it. If someone else tells me to do it, puts me on a deadline, watches me, then I have no problem doing it. In that case, the other person is acting as my executive function. If I make a habit out of something, the habit itself can act as an impetus. Schedules and deadlines are great for this, too.
So you can understand, perhaps, what it might be like to have what little executive function I have that actually works shift from "let's get this written" to "OH MY GOD I NEED TO GO TO THE STORE! WHAT IF I RUN OUT OF MILK? DO WE HAVE ENOUGH CLEAN MASKS? THE SCHOOLS AREN'T MANDATING MASKS, I HAVE TO FIND A NEW SCHOOL FOR MY KIDS WITHIN 2 WEEKS!*" Obviously, the more pressing matters take precedence, and they were constant.

But that's only HALF of the issue. ADHD has also been described as a dopamine disorder. Dopamine is a pretty important chemical. Until recently they thought it was the "pleasure" chemical, but new research suggests it has more to do with motivational salience. (sounds an awful lot like executive function) When you do pleasurable things, your brain produces dopamine which triggers the "reward" centers of the brain. Now I'm not an expert on this, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night. My understanding is that the ADHD brain doesn't "hold onto" dopamine very well. It essentially gets addicted to it and is constantly seeking it out. For each person, that dopamine rush comes from different things, but it is quite common for video games to provide it, what with their instant gratification and incremental reward systems. Such is my case.

In order to calm my frazzled brain and get that dopamine hit, I turned to comforting things and, essentially, games. But as things calmed down (mostly late 2021/early 2022), I couldn't switch back. I couldn't redirect that motivational salience to what I wanted. This only made me more depressed for many reasons, and depression has very similar effect on the mind. It robs you of motivation. Without motivation, it is much harder to be social, to take care of yourself, to focus. Enjoyment vanishes. Anger, sadness, and irritability increase. You start feeling self-loathing, going through all the things in your life that went wrong or hurt you, and if you don't do something about this, it feeds into itself. Most people with depression hide it fairly well, at least from others. 

I don't know if I'm special or broken or just unaware of things, but I just could NOT rewire things. I will not go into details, but everything I tried to regain that motivation ended up failing or backfiring (remind me to complain profusely about online freelance writing sites). I felt like a complete failure, which only made me want to turn to games more because, at least there, I was somewhat successful. I grew jealous of my brother and his absolutely astounding job/workplace, but he then told me *he* was jealous that I had kids and he didn't. It made me think a lot about what we are taught to value in society, what I valued, and how I determined my own worth.

It wasn't too long after that that I sought help. With my doctor's assistance, I was able to get medicine to treat my depression (though it took months of trial and error on prescription and dosage before I finally felt it working). Now I have medicine to help with my ADHD (again, took months before I found what actually worked). A friend was in a car accident and walked away nearly unharmed because (according to her doctor) she had built up her muscles through 2 years of working out at a gym (and the doc said she could have had serious injuries otherwise). She even told me her arthritis was better because of it. So I got a personal trainer as well.  I've not "taken care of myself" like this since before college.

I believe this is actually working. Now, I have a therapist I go to twice a month, BUT I do not believe she is a good fit for me (I just end up more depressed after a session with her) so I will be looking for a new one.  Other than that, I am feeling better and focusing on work. Perhaps a little too much, but it's far better than the alternative!

---------------------------

The last key to this puzzle is how I write.

- I've always been a night-owl but with me now having to get up in the morning to take kids to school, I can't stay up as late and still be able to, you know, think. So I've had to adjust the times I use to write.

- For me, writing in complete silence is actually counter-productive. The silence lets that little part of my brain searching for dopamine distract the rest of my brain until I get absolutely nothing done. Because of this, I would go out to write in restaurants, coffee shops, libraries, anywhere where there was a moderate level of background noise to really keep that small part of my brain occupied.  But COVID shut those places down or just added anxiety to the mix if I went there. I turned to soundtracks to play in the background.  My favorite ones are Gladiator, pretty much any of the Pirates of the Caribbean soundtracks, Dune (methinks Hans Zimmer is good all around), and Koyaanisqatsi.  But I may have found something that works EVEN BETTER (for me at least).
There are quite a few ambiance tracks available on youtube. They're free, they're usually very long (10 hours), and there is enough variety that I can change it up once in a while. The ones that work best for me usually involve thunder storms and fireplaces. I was surprised just how well these worked to focus my mind. Unlike soundtracks, there's no catchy part to take my attention and no need to change every hour. Unlike actually being in a restaurant/whathaveyou, there aren't people or waiters or bells or other things that demand my attention. 

Now if you are one of my online friends and noticed I've been absent, I apologize.  I've been so focused on writing that I haven't gamed or roleplayed or chatted or anything like that. I've had incredible inspirations that I believe strengthen my novel considerably, so I've been utterly STOKED to implement them. And, of course, as I'm going through the thing, I fall in love with my own characters and story all over again.  It's emotionally and physically draining (and even painful) to have to put my favorite characters through Hell (in case of my novel, both literally and figuratively), so it only motivates me to get them back out of those situations.  

Next step? Go look for agents and publishers once more.  Write the sequel (much more developed now). Write one of the 3 other stories I've been working on in my mind.  Wish me luck.

*My concern over this turned out to be quite merited. My daughter's school had two 5th grade teachers, and she was in 5th grade. Within the first week of returning to school, one of those teachers contracted COVID from a student. She died of COVID 3 weeks later. She was 30. Take this thing seriously. Get vaccinate, get boosted, listen to the doctors and WHO and the CDC, wear masks, and respect others' decisions.

How to be a Successful Rube!

They say there's one born every minute.  But suckers aren't really born or made... they have to be given the opportunity to turn themselves into their namesake.  And those people providing those opportunities are the scum of the Earth.

You'd think that most suckers deserve what they get.  After all, who buys a "Rolex" that just "fell off the truck" for $100?  Suckers, that's who.  But not all suckers are also idiots.  Plenty of them are trying to get an education, and the charlatans who prey on them know that this is their weakness.

They can been seen in colleges across the country, colleges that are increasing their tuition, increasing the number of students, and lowering standards so they can pump out one useless degree after another and soak up government money.  They promise a "college education" on the cheap, but the quality of that education is sub-par to say the least.  My brother fell for one, an online degree that provided nothing but debt.  So he took the hard route and found out where successful people in his field got their degrees, then enrolled there.

But writing... that is another world.  No college on the planet can guarantee that someone will be on the New York Best Seller list.  Sure, Harvard credentials might help, but more often than not, it is not what you learned at Harvard, but rather the fact that you garnered some media attention due to the fact that you went to Harvard and decided to be outspoken about something.  Just look at writers.  They come from every walk of life, from the affluent to the destitute, the college educated to the not-quite-GED.  Successful writers have had tons of classes about writing and teach it in universities, and they have had NO writing classes yet still create best-sellers.  There is no cookie-cutter writer.  Each one is as different as the stories we weave.

But it is understandable that, when some company, magazine, or author offers the secrets to writing success, plenty of us writers sign up.  I have seen this happen far too often.  Writer's Digest is a magazine that writes articles for writers, but it is not free.  Who would offer such advice for free, after all?  Of course, the "good" articles, often labeled things like "10 mistakes that will kill your manuscript" or "Habits of a best-seller" all cost a considerable amount of money for what is essentially an opinion piece. The editors and writers at Writer's Digest have no more secret insight into what makes a writer successful than my cat does.  If they did, publishing houses would come to THEM to find out the secrets and turn them into millionaires.  Yes, publishing houses.  They also don't know the secret.  Sure, they have some clues and can influence somewhat - the more money pushed into pre-sales and ads, the better - but no one could predict the runaway success of J.K. Rowling.  If publishers knew the secrets, they'd use them to find consistently superior writers.

There are others.  I recently discovered a writer/blogger who went from 0 to over 100k followers in 2 years following his "3 simple steps."  Sure, it took him many years BEFORE then of trial and error, but in only 2 years he got a ton of followers.  I looked at his offerings as well, and found that they are sound advice that lack enough specifics to be really helpful.  And, shortly after reading them, realized that he was starting up his own online course to teach you how to do it too, starting at only $600.

A fool and his money...

Now I'm not saying that what these people are selling is not helpful to someone, or that their advice didn't work for some people.  The trick that this author/blogger used may well have worked for him, but that does not mean it will work for you.  I find these sorts of people, who want to rid struggling wannabe authors of their meager funds, to be deplorable and despicable.  Writing is not something that makes a lot of money.  If you are writing for the money, do yourself a favor and stop right now.  This is a labor of love for us.  It is a rare and wonderful thing when a writer is able to support himself and his family completely on his writing.  Want to know something many successful writers have had in common?  Benefactors/money.  They didn't have to worry about where their next meal was coming from.  They were freed up from these concerns so they could really write!  Others have quit good-paying 9-5 jobs to take the nightshift at a local supermarket simply so they had more time to write.

So when I see someone trying to take my money to tell me how to be a better writer, I want to punch them in the gut.

Like everything in life, there is no fast-track, no cheat, no instant-win.  It takes dedication and hard-work.  Want to lose weight?  Change how you eat and how you exercise... for good.  There, I saved you from another useless diet fad.  Want to be an Olympian?  Spend nearly every waking hour with the right coach perfecting your talent.  Want to be a writer?  Write, then write some more, then write some more.  And while you're at it, read.  And interact with your fans when you get them.

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There IS some good advice out there, however, if you are truly determined to follow this crazy path.  Sadly, it, too, is generally NOT free.  And telling the difference can be hard.  So I will offer up some of what I have learned.  Once you know the mechanics of a good story, develop a strong sense of grammar, and learn how to take criticism (i.e. know how to write), only then are you really ready to take this step.  As I am not yet published, I also recommend you take this with a grain of salt.  I am learning still, too.

First, try to do some research into the publishing industry you wish to find yourself in.  There are authors you could contact, publishing houses you could call, courses you could take (yes, not all courses are out to get all your money.  Just don't go for an online course or a college that treats itself like a Starbucks), and plenty of free blogs you could read.  Join online writing communities and ask questions.  Consider buying a book on the subject (but I would recommend only one or two, so do your research, look at the reviews).  If you can't afford what someone is asking, don't fret!  You can probably figure this stuff by the seat of your pants as it is.  There's nothing quite like diving in head-first.

Next, join a critiquing group.  They are usually cheap or free (mine is $5/year).  Go a few times and see if you like them.  These groups often have established authors in them who can offer invaluable, sage advice.  And they will help you improve your writing!  This is a real community of writers that can offer real help.

If you are having trouble writing your book, there are a few tools you can learn that will help.  So far, the BEST and more encouraging place I've found is Jim Butcher's old, never-updated livejournal.  This thing is a true goldmine.  And I'm sure with a little research, you can find other authors with truly helpful, and free, blogs.

After all of this is said and done, you have the daunting task of learning how to LIVE like a writer.  There is no course I've ever seen that will teach you this.  If you want to be successful, all the self-help books and publishing articles in the world can only take you so far.  To truly excel, you have to learn what works for you.  I have found one book that I highly recommend, which is filled with great advice that I am starting to implement into my life.  Brick By Brick, by Stephen McCraine.  Plenty of it is up for free on his site, but scroll down a little and you can find a $5 PDF version.

The ultimate step, from what I can tell, is both the easiest and the hardest.  Don't quit.  Don't let self-doubt bring you down.  Don't let poor critiques tear apart your career before it starts.  Don't give up because it is too hard.

Just keep writing.

Brainstorming

It is one of the most essential and iterative tools of writing, but in my experience brainstorming is often ignored or rushed through.  I thought that today I would offer up my own advice on how I brainstorm, and that might help out someone, somewhere.

Brainstorming is simply getting ideas out, usually onto paper.  Often it is done in groups, but can be performed on an individual basis.  There really is no "right way" to do it, but there are plenty of wrong ways.  I remember being taught some basic techniques for it when in Jr. High.  Sadly, those are the same techniques I was taught as a senior in college.  This means that they either work really well or they are the only techniques people can think of.  The popular methods for brainstorming, referred to as Osborn's Method, keep two things in mind: write a lot and don't judge it.  The more ideas you put down on paper, the better the chance of one of them not being crap.  If you've had any writing classes, you're probably familiar with the bubbles technique, where you start with one idea and circle it.  Then you put related ideas around it and circle them, then connect with lines.  You keep doing this, making a bubble map of related ideas.  I've never liked doing this.  A more effective method, I believe, is simply to write things down in a list.

The method I like best, however, is to come up with potential plot lines or link two ideas together.  Of course, this only works for stories, so it may not work for you.  I start off with an idea, a hook.  Then I ask one of two questions: "What happens next?" or "How did it get to this point?"  If I'm linking two ideas, then I ask, which one starts and how do I get to the other?"  I come up with all the possibilities.  If, for instance, I start with the idea of a boy who never needs to sleep, I might ask "why not?  Was he born this way, or did something happen to him?"  I'll weigh the possibilities... if he was born that way, he would never know what dreaming is like, would probably have been a terror on his parents, and would find himself with a lot of extra time for things like reading or getting into trouble.  If something happened to him, it could be self-inflicted or external, it could have been a traumatic experience.  I decide that, after delving into the "something happened" scenario a little deeper, I prefer to have him born without needing to sleep.  Next I would ask, "What happens now?"  Well, he may be curious.  He might want to learn what sleep is like.  Or maybe he is glad he doesn't have to sleep and leads a double life at night.  Maybe his parents don't know he doesn't sleep, so he can sneak out at night or stay up all night reading.  I continue like this until I have a semblance of a plot line.  I might even go back and decide that I prefer to have him not born that way, because then he might really fight to get his sleep back.  Then I try to think of the other people, the other situations, and how they might interact with his plot line.  What if he doesn't need sleep because of a virus that restores his body all the time?  What would the doctors think if they found out.  One of them might decide this would be a great way to make money...

Often I have to bounce ideas off of someone, but I don't usually have that option, so as a back-up, I let them linger.  Procrastination, to a writer, is actually your friend.  Go relax.  Get your mind off the story.  Play a game, listen to some music, do some sewing, watch a movie, go play with your cat.  Then come back to it, but always come back to it.  Don't procrastinate too long, or you'll lose the progress you made.  Sometimes inspiration will strike from the simplest thing, like watching your trash collector slip on ice, or wondering what possessed someone to write Catnapped!  No, really, what were they on?  Bring that inspiration with you when you get back to writing.  And give yourself a good 2 hours to brainstorm.  It takes about that long for your mind to really get into the creative groove.  To help, tell someone else a joke, then start.  Telling a joke helps get your mind into a creative mode.

Well, there you have it.  I like to come up with possibilities and eliminate them based on their potential (or lack thereof).  I tend to ask myself a lot of questions to make sure I cover every point.  But I always write down the ideas.  That way I can go back to one I've eliminated and make it viable again.  I also keep a notebook around to write ideas down in.  If I'm near my computer, I put it into a file instead.  Then, if I need to come up with an idea, I can browse through those I've already thought of.  I usually find something that'll work.  Whatever works for you is perfectly acceptable.


I may not have a short story for you all this week.  I apologize for that.  I'm working on a short story for a contest that is due on Friday, and it's taking up more time than I thought it would.  We'll see.

Burke and Hare

I am not a writer.  A writer puts words down on paper.  As one professor of mine put it, "A writer writes."  That's really all it takes to be a "writer."  No, I am not just a writer.  I'm an engineer.  A story engineer.

When engineering a story, I tend to do my fair share of research.  In today's world, it is all too easy to just go to wikipedia or google and claim you've done the research, and sometimes that works.  But it usually takes more.  Wikipedia is a great source to find viable sources.  It can give you the gist, but little else.  And details, those are the things that a story craves.  Those details may never make it to the final work, but the very fact that you, the writer, know those details will change the feel of your piece.  

In 2006 or 2007 I was doing research for a short story.  It involves a pair of British serial killers, Burke and Hare.  At the time, there was precious little information about them that was easy to find online, and the more I delved into the piece, the more specific the information I needed.  In the end, I somehow tapped into historical records that had been scanned in by hand.  Talk about primary sources!  Later, I revamped the story and was unable to find some of the same sources, but new ones had emerged.

Tonight I am rewriting the story once again in preparation for a contest.  Now when I check Wikipedia, I am bombarded with information about Burke and Hare, Dr. Joseph Bell, the history of hospitals and medical universities in England in the 1830s...  It seems there has been an intense interest in the subject since 2007.

Turns out, there has been.  Now there was a movie made about them back in the 1970s, but it wasn't very popular.  A few minutes ago, while searching Netflix for something to put on in the background while I work, I discovered a new movie, Burke and Hare (2010).  This time they turned it into an all-star black comedy.  Although it has not been highly rated, I am intrigued.  This would indeed be enough to create a resurgence in interest of the two killers.  What did they do right?  What did they do wrong?  I think, however, that I will wait until I am finished rewriting my story before watching it.  The last thing I need is to be influenced by someone else's vision.  My own vision doesn't have room for it.

If you're at all interested in Burke and Hare, or serial killers in general, I highly recommend doing some research into them yourself.  It is fascinating to think of how long they got away with their dirty work and who was willing to turn a blind eye.  It is feasible to set their story in modern times, I think, to illustrate just how little we have come.

Contests everywhere

I recently learned about a contest, as I'm sure you're quite aware if you follow my blog.  If not, please do!  It was the Splickety Magazine contest for micro-flashfiction.  I may have mentioned another contest of theirs, which is due on the 7th of this month.  After I entered that first contest, I learned about another from Reader's Digest - life stories in 100 words or fewer.  I also learned that the Chicago Tribune has a yearly short story contest due at the end of January.  I did not make it into that one in time.

I'm seeing more and more of them around.  So, I thought I would share a few of my findings.

Now, there are some that have fees associated, and I would only enter those sparingly.  Writer's Digest had one that had a $50 fee and then gave the grand prize to a previously published work - something that was against the rules.  They did eventually remedy it.  Needless to say, I will not be participating in that contest again.  I feel that if they are asking THAT much money of me, they would actually do their homework.  Some contests DO allow for previously published works.  Some retain the rights to your work for a year, others for an indefinite amount of time.  Still others retain the right to publish your work after the contest, even if it did not win.  If that is the case, you could get in trouble for publishing it elsewhere.  You need to be aware of the different kinds of rights you have and are giving them, such as "first publication," "digital," and "exclusive."  A good place to start is here.  Too often, aspiring writers and poets get scammed out of money or rights, but all the information was in the fine print, meaning there's nothing they can do about it.  So it is mandatory that you become fluent in legalese and read the terms before entering any literary contest, the same as before you get published.  For all you know, you could be allowed unlimited entries into the contest, and here you are limiting yourself to one!

The Writing Site keeps a list of contests you can enter.  The individual contests have different requirements, so be sure to look at them before entering.
http://www.writingsite.com/index.htm?pages/contests.htm~mainFrame

Winning Writers is an award-winning website for writers.  Who knew?  They keep a list of fee-free contests updated if you subscribe.  Some are even for poems!  The link to do so is here:
http://winningwriters.com/the-best-free-literary-contests

They ALSO keep a list of contests to avoid, AND give some reasons why to avoid them.  I'm sorry to say, but many poetry contests are scams.  (I would, for instance, never send anything to poetry.com).
http://winningwriters.com/the-best-free-literary-contests/contests-to-avoid

Finally, there is a good database of not-necessarily-free contests, grants, and awards here:
http://www.pw.org/grants

Finding more just takes a little electronic leg work.  Have fun entering a few.  If you don't win, don't fret!  You wrote something! You met a deadline!  You're a writer!  If the terms allow you, you can send that piece off later after some revisions, or publish it yourself.  The important thing is that you keep trying.

Music to Write By

When I am writing, I tend to plug in.  It removes the outside world, distracts that ADHD part of my brain that needs something else to cling to, and helps me focus on the task at hand.  Taking a break from writing is good as well.  It becomes easier when there is music to help.  However, depending on my mood, the music I select can vary greatly.

I like to write in busy places - at a coffee shop, in a restaurant, at a mall.  I find that the ambience is relaxing (likely due to my many years waiting tables).  The noise of ambient conversation can sometimes be enough to keep my mind on writing, while providing the necessary distraction that will help me take a break once in a while.  It is also good to note that I am much more likely to not waste my time while I am out in public, as I'm sure everyone can see if I'm on Facebook or playing some game.

Sometimes the ambience is too much - or not enough.  The most common music I select for writing is meditative in nature.  This is an example of a very good group called Dead Can Dance.

Likewise, one of my favorite albums is excellent for writing (except when it gets really good and I just have to "conduct" like an idiot in front of a bunch of onlookers).  Gladiator is also one of my favorite movies (and subjects to study).  If you think the singer sounds familiar, you are right.  Lisa Gerrard is the vocalist for both Dead Can Dance and the Gladiator soundtrack.

Another favorite composer of mine is Karl Jenkins.  If you like these two selections, you will love his work under the name of Adiemus.  I am sure you will sense some similarities.

The nice thing about these selections is that the words are not real.  They are, for the most part, a made-up language (though some DCD songs are in English).  I find that if I am in a meditative mood, lyrics are not good.  But sometimes this style is not what I am in the mood for.  In that case, I will go for instrumental guitar, classical guitar*, or just plain classical.  

(*yes, that is a 10-string guitar.  At some point, I expect some talented youtube artist or comedian will mock this trend of many-stringed guitars and finally make a video of someone playing a 100-string guitar.  It will be epic.)

All-too-often, however, meditation is not what I am after.  My mind is excited, busy, loud.  I need excited and loud to keep it in check.  This is when I personally turn to progressive rock, progressive metal, and other similar styles.

If I am not in the mood for words, or at least not many, then I tend to listen to Ozric Tentacles.  This band is on the line between meditation and the heavier stuff, as you can hear for yourself.

A similar group that leads closer to the heavier things is Porcupine Tree.  This is their more meditative album, though I warm you, the subject matter is not exactly kid-friendly.  But I have written quite often to it.  For their more mainstream and less meditative fare, click the link here.

Once I have moved past these, I usually need something loud and completely distracting to, well, keep me from getting distracted.  I often listen to Dream Theater.  This is a fine line I tread, however.  For instance, I adore Arjen Lucassen and everything he does, but Ayreon (his "group") is too distracting for me to listen to it while I am writing.  I simply get into it too much.  No, if I need more than this, I have to go all the way.  If your parents would complain that it is just noise, that's what I would like.  That noise is too much for my mind to latch onto, but just enough to keep it searching for something.

However, in the end, when I am truly in the mindset, when the words are there, ready to pour from my fingertips onto the page and all I have to do is guide them into place, when I cannot stop myself from writing, then music is my enemy.  I will put on my large, noise-blocking headphones (I really do swear by Sennheiser), and leave them unplugged.  Then, I will let my inner monologue create my music.

What do you listen to when trying to write?

My first not-so-Friday Flash

May is National Short Story Month (NaShoStoMo for all you NaNoWriMo-lovers).  There is a fantastic tool out there for writers, and I'm going to try to start using it.  It's called #FridayFlash.

The gist is to write a story of 1000 words or less and post it up on Friday.  Then, put it on the Friday Flash Collector and post a link to the story on twitter using the hashtag "FridayFlash."

Now, I know it's Saturday.  I'm late.  I had meant to write it yesterday, but being a stay-at-home dad means you have little time, so it's easy to get distracted from all the other things you want to do when you find the time.  And yesterday there really wasn't any time.  So, I'll post it now.  The following is my first!  And I got the inspiration from a news article.

Tropes

I've been told that there are only 2 stories; A stranger comes to town, and someone leaves town.  Really, there is only one story- change.

For years I have been a terrible person to watch TV or movies with.  It is fairly rare when I don't predict exactly what is going to happen, perhaps that episode, or perhaps a few later.  It happens so frequently, that my friends have told me not to spoil the show for them, as if I've seen it before.  Combined with my ADHD, I have a tendency to say things before my brain has had a chance to stop my mouth.

Now, I only have a degree in "creative nonfiction," and a bachelor's at that.  Not storyboarding, fiction writing, screenwriting, or anything like that.  So how is it that I am able to predict shows with such frequency?  Is it because our TV shows and movies are lacking in their originality?  Or is it something else?

Part of it, I'm sure, is that there is little originality, but if you look hard you can still find it.  And part of it is that we've watched TV shows and movies our whole lives, so we've seen a lot of the formulae that producers and directors "know" work.  But, that's not all.  I think it has more to do with something called "tropes."

Tropes are tools that writers use.  They are parts of stories, characters, etc. that work because we all have formed some expectation in our minds of how things are supposed to work, whether or not we are aware of them.  And if you use them correctly, they can bring your story to life, give you an audience, and let you genuinely surprise people.

Perhaps the original study into tropes is a book called The Hero with a Thousand Faces.  It goes into delicious detail explaining which characters work, which don't, and why.  Granted, it's not really ABOUT tropes and it involves a lot of philosophy and mythology, but it also is about tropes if you keep an open mind.

There is a good source that I once in a while go to when I'm looking for a trope (but I find that the more I write, the more tropes are in my arsenal without needing to search).  TV Tropes is a wiki page, so you need to take what you read with a grain of salt, but if you're stuck in a rut, this source may just be what you need to get out.  But  I warn you; once you start learning about tropes, you (and possibly yours friends) will never enjoy TV the same way again.

Getting Over Writer's Blockade

I posted about a condition I like to call Writer's Blockade back in July of last year.  I promised that I would make a later post about how I got around it over Father's Day weekend.  Well, unfortunately, I cannot remember the specific scenario.  But, there are some tools that you can use to break the blockade.

To recap, Writer's Block is when you have a lack of muse, an ennui, a lack of motivation, or some other similar internal issue that prevents you from writing.  A terrible thing.  Writer's Blockade is when you have an external issue that prevents you from writing, such as having a baby, working too long, a power outage.  In general, Writer's Blockade does not last as long as Writer's Block can, but it can be more frustrating because you still have that drive to write.  In some situations, however, Writer's Blockade could last for years.

In general, a short blockade is going to solve itself.  If the power is out, it will eventually come back on, or you can go somewhere where there is power.  These small problems have two solutions.
The first is perseverance.  Do not stop trying to write, do not give in to the potential excuse.  If your power is out, go to the library!  If their power is out, grab some paper and write by hand starting from where you last remember!
The second is preparedness.  Now you can't be prepared for everything.  It's just not possible.  But you can be prepared for likely scenarios, like a Boy Scout.  If you write on the computer, back-up your work in more than one location.  Keep it on your computer, on a cloud (I use drive.google), on an external hard drive, and on a thumb drive.  Sure, it'll take a while to back up (remember to do so periodically), but if your computer ever crashes (or is stepped on by a toddler), your novel is still mostly intact.  If you use a laptop, keep it more or less charged.  Take simple steps to ensure that your work will not be lost and you will be able to work on it when you need to.

Working on a novel when you need to is another very important step, and is useful in overcoming both Writer's Block and Writer's Blockade.  Set aside a time to write, at least 2 hours at once (to really get into the flow of things), as often as you can afford to.  Set aside a place to write that is relatively free from distractions.  This is getting harder and harder to do with the internet so readily available and sometimes essential to our writing processes.  In some cases it will take discipline.  It is best not to chose your bed (it can mess with your brain and sleep schedule if you work where you sleep), or where you normally work.  It works even better if you are comfortable, but not too comfortable (you don't want to fall asleep).  It should also be the same place or the same two places every time.  Make a routine.  Stick to that routine as often and as rigorously as you can.  Leave your work and your home at your work and your home.  Again, this is a very difficult task in today's world.  If you are worried about work, either handle it quickly before you start (and don't touch or even think about it after you start), or try to wipe it from your mind.  This is time for writing!  Some techniques that work include writing down a list of things to do tomorrow, listening to your favorite music, or taking a moment to mull over the situation in your mind before letting it go.  What works for one person may not work for another, so just keep trying.  Finally, don't go into it with certain expectations in mind.  This will put undue stress on your own creativity.  Instead, keep an open mind.  This is not to say that you should let your writing flow wherever it wills.  But should your mind present an opportunity or an option you didn't see before, you should take a moment to entertain that option and see if it goes somewhere you like.  (This is more appropriate for Writer's Block, but I feel it is part of the entire Writing Time experience).

I have a writing time every week that lasts between 3 and 4 hours in one big chunk.  I go to a local coffee shop/ice cream place, and set up in the same general area in the shop each time.  I invite some friends so we can encourage each other, though at times we are also distraction.  However, I feel that the expectation they have that I will show up will keep me going and in the long run is helping me continue to write.  I tend to choose the music that interests me at the moment (sometimes more distracting than others depending on how ADHD I'm feeling.  For me, I need a certain level of distraction to keep myself focused).  I first go online and deal with all the emails and junk that I didn't get to while watching Addy, and then I leave it all behind and delve into the writing.  I keep an outline open at all times, but I have strayed from it on many occasions, so the outline is more of a guideline that I can return to when I need to.  That is my regular writing schedule.  Of course, I try to write at home as well, and I am still working on my routine for that, but it is coming along.

This little trick will not solve ALL Writer's Blockade problems.  If I am too tired after running after Adelaide, I may not want to drink something with caffeine because it might keep me up half the night.  There are some cases where you simply have to surrender to the Blockade and let it win that battle, but you can never let it win the war.  You must attack it like you're a general, planning and strategizing to get that free time you need.  No, you cannot "make" time, but you can steal it from other things in your life.  There have been times when I spent the week staying up late to write because I knew (or at least hoped) that my wife would be home on the weekends and I'd get to sleep in on Saturday to make up for the loss.  I've sometimes given up other interests of mine so that I will have more time to write.  For example, I've all but stopped playing games of any sort, I do not read as often as I would like to, my cross-stitching has gone untouched for months (yes, I cross-stitch), and I haven't practiced the guitar since Christmas.  Even a little bit of TV takes a large amount of time that can be spent writing.

Granted, the writing time you eek out of daily life is not long, so you will not get that leisurely 2-hour chunk that is so useful, that lets your mind really start to get creative.  But if you write half an hour here and 15 minutes there, then go back when you have 2 hours to write and proof-read yourself, it works out fairly well.  This is an exception to the rule that you should never edit while you write (which is a rule I think should be applied loosely.  I believe everyone's writing style is different, and some require a certain level of active editing).

Finally, some people are simply too busy to write.  This is the realm where serious sacrifices and choices must be made.  How badly do you want to write?  Is it worth giving up something else that is terribly important for you to have a chance to write?  If the answer is no, do not despair!  Never stop thinking, jotting down ideas, and working through plots.  Never stop dreaming.  You are a writer at heart, and perhaps you do not have the time now, but you may have the time later, be it in a month, a year, or several decades.  Eventually, you will work around that block, just as long as you keep trying to.

The 3 Laws

Anyone who is a sci-fi lover knows about Isaac Asimov's 3 Laws of Robotics.  These three laws are as follows:

1) A robot cannot take the life of a human, or through inaction cause a human to die.
2) A robot must obey all orders given to it by humans, except when those orders violate the first law.
3) A robot must preserve itself, except when doing so violates the first two laws.

There are many, many flaws in these laws.  What if I was a less-than-scrupulous person who told a robot that wasn't mine that it now belongs to me and must follow all of my orders and only my orders?  Robot theft/slavery would be rampant.  What if I didn't like someone, so I told their robot to kill itself?  Easy way to have revenge.  What if I attacked the robot's owner and told the robot that if it does anything, I'll kill its owner?  The robot would probably have a meltdown as it bounced between laws and tried to interpret them.

Most of these issues can be solved with some simple bi-laws, things such as "A robot must obey all orders given to it by its owner or any confirmed law enforcement officer..." and, "A robot cannot take the life of a human, or through inaction cause a human to die, unless doing so would save at least as many humans as would die or be killed."  And, of course, this has other problems, as we see in the movie "I, Robot."  In this film, a sentient A.I. of vast intelligence decides that the best way to save humanity is to enslave all of humanity, preventing them from killing each other.  And in the anime Casshan: Robot Hunter, we learn that the "evil" robots which were programmed to save planet Earth did so by killing all humans, the things causing Earth's destruction.  It is feasible a robot would murder everyone it deemed capable or likely to kill another human, would would eliminate everyone in the military, every police officer, every spy, every world leader, etc.  not to mention every violent criminal.  It would take just one glitch to cause havoc.  This is why it was decided that if these laws ever came to be, there would be a 0th Law (similar to the 0th Law of Thermodynamics).

0) A robot cannot harm humanity, or by inaction cause humanity to come to harm.

This would, of course, also change the other laws so that it would take precedence over them.  But still, this offers many flaws that can be exploited.  The most major flaw of all is the purpose of robotics.  In today's world, robots are usually used in industry, to do work humans do not wish to do, and these laws are perfect if robots continue to do such work, and such work alone, in perpetuity.  But we've already started to enter the realm of drone warfare
.  If we want robots to take the place of our men and women on the front lines, they had better be willing to kill humans, otherwise the first human that steps on the field wins by default.  They had better be programmed to not listen to the orders of anyone other than their superiors, or they'll just be told to kill themselves by their enemies.  And they had better not think of "humanity" in the same way as the other side does, or they'll simply freeze in combat.  If we want robots to gain the rights and freedoms of humans (an idea played around with in many stories, including Bicentennial Man, Star Trek, Blade Runner, Metropolis, and countless more), then we would need to give them the same abilities as us, even if those abilities include breaking the law.

Obviously, the Three Laws of Robotics are not meant as an actual, universal working model.  They can be used as a guideline, or used as a plot device in a story.  In truth, Asimov was a writer and a biochemist, not a roboticist or a computer programmer.  He was more interested in the story, and as a writer, so should you be.  These laws can be played around with, or they can be taken as is and brought to their various logical conclusions.

I, for one, have come up with an interesting new set of laws.  Behold, the Three Laws of Robotics Americans!

1) An American has the right to live and cannot take that right from any other American.
2) An American has the right to liberty, freedom, and choice, provided exercising such rights do not impinge on any other American's right to life or right to liberty.
3) An American has the right to pursue happiness, provided doing so does not violate any other American's rights to life, liberty, or to pursue happiness.
Violating any of these rights will strip you of all rights of the same rank and below.

What do you think?  Plot-worthy?

Writer's Blockade

To most writers, Writer's Block is a real problem that pops up when you really don't want it around.  It is generally accepted as a lack of Muse or inspiration, but can reveal itself in other ways (such as depression or anxiety).  It can be anything from having difficulty finding what to say for a week to being unable to produce any new work for years.  F. Scott Fitzgerald and Charles Schultz have both been victims of this dreaded condition.  Almost every author has had some form of it at some point.  Thankfully for me, Writer's Block has never posed much of a problem.

However, I have recently been experiencing what I would term Writer's Blockade.  What is the difference, you ask?  Think of it this way; if you are trying to get to your favorite writing spot, say a coffee shop, and it is closed, that is rather like writer's block.  If, however, on the way there is a traffic accident, so you take a side route but get a flat tire on the poor road conditions, then hijack a young kid's bike only to run into a protest rally, which leads you to go against the flow on foot while trying to make your way to your goal until your ex shows up and her new fiance pummels you into the ground before you ever even make it TO the shop... THAT is Writer's Blockade.  There's nothing wrong with your inspiration, your desire to write, your relationships, your emotions, or your health.  Instead, the world has conspired against you.  In short, Writer's Block is internal, Writer's Blockade is external.

An example of this would be having a baby.  Now, I'm not talking about being so overcome with elation that you simply cannot put the feeling into words.  It is the daily grind, the minutiae and incessant alertness, that stops the writing process.  For me, I spend days getting up when Addy does (usually before or just after 7), doing laundry and dishes, feeding and clothing my little girl, changing her diapers (and more if she makes a mess), playing with her, fighting with her to take a nap, taking her outside to run around, putting up with the whininess when she gets tired or upset, running to stop her when she reaches for something deadly on the table, providing comfort when she falls and hits her head, swinging/twirling/dancing/chasing her (or perhaps pushing her while she's in her little Radio Flyer), getting out and putting away a variety of toys and projects for her, keeping her from pounding or pulling at or throwing my computer, bathing her, and finally putting her to sleep around 7 or 8.  That is mommy and daddy time, and we usually spend it doing chores that didn't get completed or planning out the next day/week/month, though it is sometimes spent on small private dates (in the home, don't worry).  Sometimes, I spend the whole day driving to town to take her somewhere or run errands, getting back just in time to put her to sleep.  When we're done with our alone time, Amy heads to bed and I get time to write...  but by that point I am exhausted and unable to put coherent thoughts together.  There's none of that idealistic "you have to make time" garbage.  The choices are write or sleep.  Foregoing my stay-at-home-dad duties to indulge myself is not an option.  I usually try to write at night, but you can only hold off sleep so long before it makes the choice for you.  Don't forget, the less time you spend sleeping, the more exhausted you will be the next day.  On average, I would say I fall asleep around 11 or midnight, then wake up on the couch and crawl to bed around 1 or 2.

I've had a very hard time trying to get past a single scene in my novel, though it is an important one.  But the entire novel is planned, outlined.  I know what is going to happen next, and I still have an intense desire and inspiration to write the story.  I think that part of what made this scene so difficult to write was that I could only get through half a paragraph at a time.  Getting back into the right frame of mind after a long day takes some time as well, so that limits how much writing I could do on top of things.  I knew I wasn't really having Writer's Block, or even Writer's Ennui (a common-enough example of Writer's Block that it really deserves its own recognition).  But having difficulty with that scene made me doubt my ability to write and question how good my novel really is.  Would my readers be able to get through that scene, or have I just set up a proverbial Rivendell?  Would they be able to tell that I wrote it over the course of a hundred different sittings?  Will that scene even be in the final draft of the novel?  Should I be spending my time or more "productive" things?

In my case, it appeared that this blockade was not going to end anytime soon.  If anything, it was compiling greater obstacles to throw at me for the future, and this may still be the case.  From what my stay-at-home-mom friends tell me, you don't really get time to yourself until they start going to school, and that is a ways off for me (and further if we have another child).  Thankfully, I was able to find a hole through the blockade last weekend.  There really is a way around this debilitating condition, but it is not any easier than curing Writer's Block.  In one weekend I wrote over 2500 words (which is astounding for me) while still managing to do all the chores, go to church, go on two dates with my wife, celebrate Father's Day, and care for my daughter.  I am stoked.  So, how did I get around the blockade?  That is for another post.

Staying at Home

No one ever said that being a stay-at-home dad was glamorous. First of all, there is intense social pressure to "provide" for the family. This usually is taken to mean, "make the majority of the money for the family", even though in some situations, "providing" may mean eliminating the cost of a babysitter while providing quality time for and with your child(ren). It was actually surprising to me just how strong this desire is. I still struggle with knowing I may never get this second degree and may never join the "working world" the same as most men. I have a degree, I have a strong work ethic, and I want to earn my way.

Some of the ways in which this simple bias manifests can be surprising. Let's say that in 2 years I am in a position to look for work again. There I am, sitting down at an interview looking confident and sharp, with a great portfolio and great people skills. The first thing the interviewer asks me is what I have been doing for the past 3 years. After I tell them that I have been a stay-at-home dad, they suddenly lose interest in me. It is as if staying at home has not only emasculated me, but also made me forget how to do my job.

The second thing that makes being a stay-at-home dad difficult is support. This is a two-fold problem. The first is that I am literally taking up the role that women have traditionally taken up; thus I am at home doing chores and taking care of the baby while my wife goes to work and class. She comes home tired and hungry, and I want to make certain I have done enough for the day to pull my weight. I usually end up doing more chores and putting the baby to sleep, since my wife has to get up early the next day to go to school/gym. Sometimes this means that I am so tired after the baby goes to bed that I can hardly get any of my own stuff done (or, as is often the case, do the chores that are hard to do while she's awake). I unfairly feel like I am not getting enough time for myself, while Amy feels that she is not getting enough time with the baby.

The flip side to this is other people. There aren't very many stay-at-home dads (SAHDs), at least not in my area. Usually I end up in groups of stay-at-home moms. This makes me feel just a bit nervous, as if I am intruding on a distinctly female thing. I know in my mind that it is alright, but it still feels wrong. It is also hard because there aren't other SAHDs to talk with and share experiences with. Thankfully, I discovered some online communities that I am joining, athomedad.org and dadstayshome.com. We will see how these two resources help.

I am still trying to figure out how to get my baby to take naps in her crib, which will free up a lot of time for me. For the longest time, she would only nap on me (in such a manner that it was difficult or impossible to do anything else, including using the computer), twice a day, for about an hour to an hour and a half per nap. Without these, she would get cranky and cry all the time. With these, however, I am limited to using the Playstation for big portions of the day. If she can get an hour or even half an hour of sleep in her crib, I'll be able to write every day! There are other difficulties, problems, and situations that arise from being a SAHD, but those will have to be for a later post.

Slowing Down

So first I would like to say that I am very glad this semester is over. I did not get the straight As I had been hoping for, but I think I did pretty well for a new father.

Now, somewhere in my psyche I figured that I would have tons of time with school being out. The day after my last final, I went to my brother-in-law's Commissioning and Graduation ceremonies. I did not even have the chance to get a Mother's Day gift for my wife!!
When we got back, my wife's maternity leave was up. I had to become the primary caretaker of Adelaide so she could work. And I will remain this way when she goes back to school to pursue her PhD. So far, taking care of her has taken most of my time. The time I haven't spent taking care of her has usually been spent doing various chores. Two days ago, we started a garden next to our house, and now we will have to put a fence to keep it safe from the rabbits that frequent our yard. This has taken a lot of time away from my writing.

Another thing that has taken time away is looking for work. I applied to about 13 jobs recently and had an interview for one of them last week, but no one has yet to call me back again. Hopefully, I will find something soon.

Admittedly, I have been distracted. I've been watching a specific anime whenever I feed Adelaide or find that, for some reason, I do not have access to both of my hands. And since it is a rather addictive storyline, I have sometimes found that I am watching it instead of writing. Likewise, I am still very interested in getting back to my gaming, which I haven't done in some time. These distractions all take away from my writing. So, I am going to have to learn to discipline myself.

Finally, I have hit what has been called the "Muddy Middle." This is the part of the story that is difficult to get through. If you don't have everything perfectly planned it, this is where you get stuck. Essentially, before things start heading towards the climax, and after all the characters and plot have been introduced, there is a dead man's land. You can't just jump straight to the downturn, or else you'll leave the audience too confused. A great way to deal with this literary swamp is to change gears and go into another storyline, a subplot. In my case, I have jumped into the love story. However, in writing this subplot, I have found holes I did not see before. And I have had to fill them in. This has also slowed me down.

So in essence, I have been trudging through the mud, slowly getting through these hardships. In a week I went from about 22k words to about 24k. That is my update. Next week I am going to try to finish the middle and get into the downturn. I'm close. I'm just one scene away to the downturn, but I have to be careful with how I put it together. Wish me luck.

Webcomics 101

Some time ago, I fell in love with graphic novels. Now, I am not as avid a reader as I should be, and I tend to take a lot of influences from the books I read. There are many graphic novels that I have not read or that are on my "to read" list, including some big players like Maus and Sandman (although I have not read all of Sandman, I have read some of it, and most of the story has been revealed to me by my sister, who has read it). Regardless, I found that even huge, game-changing American graphic novels lack a certain dynamic. This is, of course, not universally true. Elfquest and Mage, for instance, have been masterfully done in all aspects. I think that, because of my love for movies and my love for graphic novels, I think in pictures. Some graphic novels are too influenced by the written word or by movies. They primarily consist of an 8x11 page divided into 12 or so equal squares, each depicting a scene. Although I am a huge fan of Watchmen and V for Vendetta (even before they were turned into movies - in fact, I am sad that they turned Watchmen into a movie as it was too good in graphic novel form and a movie could only bring it down), most action-packed or thematically dramatic scenes stick to this format. Again, not all, but a good deal of them. Further, they often have an excess of language within each frame. Unlike Japanese comics (which are starting to influence American comics, I think, for the better), plot points and characters' feelings are conveyed via word or though bubbles.

I digress. I have always thought in terms of pictures. Cinematography. What is the scene that I want people to actually see? What do things look like? What does the camera show and not show? And, how do I want it laid out? Just as food has a "mouth feel," so do comics have a "page feel." Wendy and Richard Pini, of Elfquest, wrote a book on how exactly they write the comics. In it, they describe using the frames themselves to tell part of the story. Although at the time it was still laid out on an 8x11 sheet of paper, the frames were not uniform squares. They were more dynamic, with larger ones imparting importance or small, quick ones showing fast action. She put them in shapes to draw attention to the knife blade, or to draw the eye up to the important part of the page. Many comics, nowadays, take some of these ideas to heart. They use them to make the page more interesting, to improve its "page feel." Who, after all, wants to read a page of dense images with dense, small print and muted colors?

Many webcomics, particularly the ones that are in the shape of a page and not a single strip, try to use this now. The images may be like pictures atop a black background. Or, perhaps, for a dramatic scene, there are no words and the entire page is cut into ragged, long frames. However, there is so much more comics can do ones they hit the internet.


Scott McCloud is a master of the art. In this comics trilogy, he shows you first how to understand and appreciate what is going on in comics. I'll come back to the second one in a moment. The third book, shown above, gives you a direction of where comics are going and what has happened now that comics have hit the internet. There is so much that I think it is a miracle he was able to fit it into a single book. The second book is a beautiful study on the processes and tools comics authors and artists have available to them, and how to utilize the media. Movies do not always do the book justice, just as books based on a movie are usually not as powerful. This is because the story was thought of in a different medium (print, screen). Comics is halfway between, and has special exceptions and rules all to itself. This is what makes it so powerful, but also makes it difficult to excel in.

I think that any story can be told in any medium. However, HOW you tell that story differs drastically. You may be the world's greatest author, but that doesn't mean you can visualize something an audience would be willing to sit in front of for an hour and a half. You may be the greatest director, but the only reason your book is successful is because it is living off your name; it would be unable to stand on its own merit. It is a rare talent who is able to traverse the media. Such talents, though, do exist. Michael Crichton wrote screenplays for his movies, just as Yoshitaka Amano's art has been used for animes, games, and comics (each of which is a unique medium).

Again, I digress. Webcomics has a unique advantage to comics in that there is no longer a page restriction. This not only means that your comic can be infinitely large (previously, no publisher would print it if it was that long), but each individual page can be any shape, size, or style that you want it to be. Furthermore, webcomics allow you to hyperlink. This new medium is called "Hypertext" and has been, until now, used only for websites and banking. The term literally means going beyond the text, or the makeup of the page. A hyperlink, as I'm sure you are aware, takes you to a new page. Http means "hypertext transfer protocol." But as a comic, hypertext changes in unforeseen ways. It is often referred to as "New Media."

For a while I have been trying to figure out how to utilize webcomics to their fullest potential. The biggest stumbling block is that I am not an artist. I cannot draw anything other than a schematic or something technical. Not that I am unable to learn, but a lack of time prevents me. Here are some of the ideas I have come up with. If you wish to work with me as an artist on these, please do not hesitate to get in touch. If you wish to steal these ideas, understand that I am only giving you the broad scope of things, and I will leave enough of the details blank that you will have to work your butt off to make it good.

-A comic that tells several stories over a single page... This page, however, is so large that it cannot possible fit on any single screen. Because of this, the user looks about the scene, for instance an overview of Central Park, and picks up bits and pieces of the story as they search.
-Using hypertext to create a do-it-yourself adventure through webcomics. The disadvantage is, you have to have completed every possible arc and page before you make it available to the public.
-Using hypertext and bitmapping to allow a reader to click on images, objects, words, or characters within a comic. Each one will take the user to some interesting side-information, and perhaps even side-plots that would normally remain unseen and untold.
-Disguising the story within the actual comic website itself. This would be akin to The Real Inspector Hound where the actual story is not what takes place in the play, but what takes place behind the scenes. Of course, this would involve links to other sites, such as facebook.
-A webcomic where the pages animate (this has been done by others, but I feel it can go much further).
-Tell a story involving time travel where, as the reader goes through the story, the "archives" change.

These are all interesting and not necessarily easy-to-pull-off ideas that I may never see come to fruition. Time has become a major, major constraint in my life at the moment. Even now, I am only posting on here because of Spring Break. I have returned to school to pursue a degree in engineering, and soon I shall become a father. I am trying to write my first novel and am working on a basic webcomic (nothing too special) with my brother. I should also be looking for work. At some point in the equation, sleep would be good, too. Perhaps, however, God will give me the opportunities to turn my ideas into something real. For now, they are only pipe dreams.