How not to be distracted

Wife sits down after putting the little one to bed and gets out her laptop to work on something important.

I turn off The Office so as not to distract her.

Several minutes pass.  "Dear," wife says, "let's put something on.  We don't have to sit in silence."

"Alright," say I.  I proceed to turn on Netflix's newest sci-fi, Lost in Space.  Wife does not like sci-fis. I figure we are safe.

We are not safe.

Netflix did a good job and wife is watching Lost in Space.

"Dear," wife says, "this is too distracting.  Put something less distracting on."

"Alright," say I.  I turn off Lost in Space and start scrolling through the vast library of things Netflix has to offer.  My list.  Action.  Comedy.  Action.  Action.  Comedy.  Intriguing Documentary.  Action.  Action comedy.  Time to look elsewhere.

"Dear," wife says.  "Why not try a nature documentary?"

"Alright," say I.  Perfect idea.  A dry British man droning on about fish.  Even when you're watching it you're not really watching it.  I go to nature documentaries and pick the first one.  Round Planet.  I figure we are safe.

We are not safe.

"The mother Polar Bear gives her cubs a taste of what nature has to offer by repeatedly biting them on the bum...  You just want to cuddle them don't you?  But you better not, or their mother will tear you open and spread your innards over the snow like water paints..."

What the hell did I turn on?

"Dear," my wife laughs.  She cannot say anything else over the giggles.

Alright," say I and quickly turn to something with David Attenborough.  We are finally safe.

British documentaries.  You never know.